12.31.09

listening to: You Make My Dreams, Hall & Oates

oh my last day of the year! well this year has flown by. mmm..not really. ups and downs highs and lows the good and the bad i loved it all. looking back on this year there are a few things i could say i regret. but i wouldnt change it. i learned from everything and it changed me.
taking what i got from this year im going to make a change this year. some things can go. :) i cant wait for tomorrow. January 1, 2010 is the start of the new year and im pretty damn excited. a whole new beginning.










resolutions? i got a few.

12.30.09

listening to: For Muzik, 4Minute

Boy meets Girl.
Boy falls in love.
Girl doesn't.

wow the new year is almost here. 2010 is just over the horizon. you know what else is? finals. graahhh i cant stand this. its like an icy-hot patch the break is so chill and cool but at the same time it burns with anticipation. D: i have not started my work.
Axell's birthday was yesterday. happy birthday Axell! again. happy 17th. just a chill time in his house. Erik and DeAlarik showed us the website peteranswers.com. that is one trippy website. scared us so bad. he could answer out questions like 'where are you?' 'who's standing next to me?' and he would always be right. its haunted i swear. it was a good night. it was the first time in a long time i was able to let loose and just have fun and be myself. Axell is right. the party is better when those who are irriating and fake arent there. before peteranswers we were listening to korean and wicked music online. haha defying gravity is my favorite song. havent listened to it? listen its beautiful. haha.

loose train of thought. i really wonder where this is going. you got me waiting by the phone all day.

12.22.09

listening to: Sleepyhead, Passion Pit

soooo. went shopping with anna banana today. valleyfair and santana row. i swear that's our place. whenever we hang out its always there or at her or my house. hahaha. mission find family's christmas gifts and buy them accomplished! this is the first time ever that i felt like my family will actually like the gifts. and they better. i spent such a long time hunting them down. so me and anna spent the whole day hopping around shop to shop. santana row is the best. and valleyfair has so many hidden nooks and crannies. my legs will be very sore tomorrow. santana row is one unbelievably expensive place though. replay scene: walk into store,"how much is this tie?" lady,"200 dollars." i walk out and never go back there. HOLY COW. hahaha. no thanks. shoot. wth its just a tie. is that silk gold of something? ridiculous.
tomorrow is jennifer's christmas house party. sure to be lots of fun jennifer knows fun. im just a little dissapointed one person cant go. i wish he would go. oh well he will be there in spirit. haha. tried looking for a shirtless taylor lautner poster for the white elephant game. but all of them were out. there are some crazy obsessive fangirls out there. i was like holy crap are you kidding me? three whole boxes. all gone. *sigh i have no idea what to bring tomorrow.

music. my genre of music is leaning more toward electronic-ish. im not a fan of the poppy high voices screeching anymore. ugh. hahaha. something unique and new. its not my favorite genre and i get that feeling that i dont want to like it. you know? i find myself listening to more and more electronic feel and it sounds nice. but ugh i dont want to!!

12.12.09

playlist:
-Friend, TOP & Taeyang
-Again & Again, 2PM
-She Was Mine, AJ Rafael
-Fuck You, Lily Allen

rainy days are the best. mainly becuase there are so many rare opportunites hiding in the rain drops. how many days a year can you dance in the rain and jump puddles. my favorite past times. and they're only seasonal. i dont mind getting sick. actually, i fucking hate it when im the middle of being sick. but after it's done i look back and say, 'that was fun'. i wish December was yearly. haaaaa anyway. hows life doo daa doo happy wilson i blogged. ahahaha. not much to blog about my life is grey like the jacket im wearing.
christmas is near and i have no presents for anyone. except for my mom. i bought her some $10 tea. tea. i look back and im like, 'wtf what was i thinking?' its some fancy flower tea that blooms when you pour the water on it. i wanted to get her a glass teapot so she could see it bloom when she put it in, but it cost $300 HAHAHA i think not. she can enjoy it in a mug.
that's it. and i only have $40 in my wallet idk how the hell im going to pull this off. and i stopped shoplifting years ago. id feel bad if my sticky fingers came back. hahaha. anyway, time to go to sendai with my mom yum. havent had that in ages. ill blog soon.


i want to learn how to speak and write korean.

12.10.09

listening to: fireflies, owl city

you're such a cock blocker, you know? get the fuck out of my face. hypocrite.

11.29.09

listening to: unidentified christmas music.

this weekend was a good weekend. hang out with family for thanksgiving, black friday shopping with bannana and dee's birthday. happy birthday to you. it was great hanging with everyone again.
for dee's birthday we went to great jump. before that me and anna went black friday shopping. black friday had some really good deals. anna got a shirt and a pair of shoes all for 10 dollars. pretty fantastic if you ask me. i bought a sweater for 15 and some tea for my mom. afterwards she slept over. we had some deep shua go on last night. some deep convos there. ahahaha. missed hanging out with that girl.
then the next day was dee's party! fun day. just a really chill spontanious day. we went to great jump and most of the time we played dodgeball. omg that was intense. ahahaa. me and dee never really got to execute our plan becuase he kept on getting out and the judge kept on saying 'jump break' which meant everyone got to go back in. very frustrating i must say. ahahaha. afterwards we walked to great mall and toured the new forever 21. that place is aweseome. so huge. vanessa claimed she got lost in it. kinda impossible seeing how it's great mall but... and so dee got some clothes there. at forever 21. ahahaha raise the bag high dee. :)
after shopping for dee we decided to go watch new moon. i must say that was an interesting movie. it was a lot better than the first movie that's for sure. everything seemed more real. the first one was all plastic and tiring to watch. and the music was good. some of the songs were catchy. the guys liked it though. or at least found it interesting. ahaha. i was surprised they didnt just get up and leave the theater. we had some trouble getting in though becuase erik was being a scardy-cat. :P

planning to spend the rest of this day studying. i took a look at physics and i totall forgot everything i studied on tuesday. dammit. i havce to reread the whole chapter again. D:

this weekend ended too soon. i wish summer was near.

11.26.09

listening to: tim's ranting about FF X-2.

happy thanksgiving! the day where you eat the most and get lots of food you only get once a year. my aunt is japanese so every year we have turky, chinese food and sushi. THE BEST. ahahaha. the only downside is that all my cousins are 20+ and it's so awkward. i just sit there and wait. and wait. not very close with family at all. ahahaha. and apparently i have more cousins. that i never knew about and they speak some language i cannot decipher. i dont even know thier names i forgot to ask them...
and tomorrow should prove to be epic. epic fail. im going to go crazy tomorrow pushing and cursing no doubt. ahahaha. i hate hate hate hate crowds! but i like new clothes. im never going to see the people again so might as well get mean an just push. i also have to buy some people's birthday presents. but im broke idk how im going to pull this off. no i will not shoplift. D: i get to spend tomorrow with my best friend though! i miss this girl. :) you better pull through with our fantastic plan. muahahah movie delight.

and then on saturday is dee's party. i challenged him to a dodgeball game. bad idea now he wants to pummel me to the ground. 'no mercy on a girl' he says. no worries if i lose ill just say it's his birthday present i have no idea what to get him anyway ahahaha. is november and september like baby boom months? so many people's birthdays are in these months it makes people go broke.

so tomorrow i must get up really early. around 7 or something. have to pick up bannana. oo gosh...i will get no sleep i should turn in early. he never picked up his phone. even though he wanted me to call wth. oh well w/e ill catch you tomorrow. :) goodnight! sleeptight sweet dreams.

11.20.09

listening to: AIM IMs

hmmmm. LAST DAY OF VOLLEYBALL. i made it! ahaha. even though i didnt get an A. oh well. i got A LOT better in volleyball, that's for sure. and before i didnt even know how to bump it. yaaay go me. :) however im planning to never do it again. ahahaha. rugball up next. hopefully i can play that. i can fair at any other game beside volleyball. ive gotten good enough so that i was one of the best players. on C court. good enought ill take that ahahaha.
the weather is getting colder. christmas is near. i love this time of holidays. it means more food and less nagging. everyone's happy. :) but i dont like dealing with the shopping. the crowds are so thick and i end up pushing hella people and end up in a bad mood. ahahaha.

the days have been fine. nothing going on much. marching band season ended. last one at merced 2nd place in our division whoooo. hopefully we'll do better next year. yeah? :) i feel like we put in way more uneeded effort and way less fun this year. and that buggs me. next year bring a camera to every practice and comp! lots of pictures and memories. :)
so concert band has started. many people have switched instruments. idk it's wierd to me that my friends are switching. it's like they're moving away. idk. but i stuck to flute. ahaha. and the songs this year are so challenging! but im sure we can play it if we practice long enough. ahaha. the people this year are really good. the freshamn are good. thier sightreading was way better than ours. D: that shames me a little ahahaha.

and omg my english teacher cracks me up. he's so hilarious. it's like one of the two classes i really look forward to every day. and it's in the morning too so it wakes me up. he cheating on jack emery. so far we've hit a thousand cans and the competition has barely started. >:) a thousand cans and amost 500 dollars. and like, 10 toys. awesome. i only donated 5 bucks. LOL. i dont feel the urge to lug ten cans to school and stick them in my locker during zero period you know?

anyway, im missing you guys in college. tomorrow ill see jessica i cant wait for that. ahahahaha. but i miss you guys. i should talk to you more. :) ok ttyl bye!

11.10.09

listening to: A Boy, G-Dragon

parents are the two strong figures in your life that are there but not by choice. they're annoying, nosy, hypocritical, and sometimes mean. they dont understand you. fully. and in some cultures they beat you until your back is hamburger meat. Dx they dont make sense! they're so wierd sometimes. it makes you want to say, what the F are you talking about? it's 2009! ahahah sometiems you wanna slap em in the face. -_____- like i want to do to my mommy and daddy. :D



but they're also there for you ALL the time. whether you like it or not. x) they support you for all the RIGHT reasons. and they will love you forever and ever. unless you kill thier other child. -____- i hate my brother. ahahaha. and they give you money. :D until you hit the 16 mark then it's free reign fend for youself. ahahaha. they're kicking me out to get a job. Dx but im ok with that. i dont love my parents for all the right reasons. but im growing up.


but still. i can't wait until im outta here.

11.09.09

listening to: AIM IMs. :)

some phantom has gone loose within the band. o.o many a people's instruments are being broken. idk who it could be though. hopefully the culprit is found soon. gee this is like a video game. just waiting to see what thier next move is. lol.

hmmm. nothing much. i got a B on setting today. HA. hows that maggie? >:] ahaha jk. thanks for helping me in volleyball. i dont think i would have gotten beyond bruised arms if it werent for you. :D im starting to kinda like volleyball. keeps me otu of the cold you know? nice heated gym.

anywayyy, i was browing around big bang land, and look what ive come accross. some cute pictures. cutecute.







that is one lucky baby. ahahha.

anyway. phone just rang. i got so excited becuase i thought it was a call from one of the places i applied to. but it was some lady speaking rapid spanish. waht a let down. ahahah. it's ok.


..... Dx

11.08.09

listening to: ---

just got back from folsom. made it to finals. won 10/10 place. whooo out of 18. so freaking tired and cold. but today [or tonight] was very fun.
nothing to say. very tired. goodnight. :D




--you guys should blog more.

11.04.09

listening to: ---

today so far is so boring. hwk and cleaning house. but the rest of the time i had allowed me to sit down and just think. and relax. and lay and bed. and i realize something. and that's that nothing is ever satisfying. not any music, not any friend, not any accomplishment satisfys me. and i dont know what that last thing i need to fill up that emptyness is. kinda frustrating. i dont even know if it's possible. will satisfaction ever come? now? in the future? when. and i dont know if anyone else has ever experienced that. i mean, seeing so many people's problems they've been hiding for forever come out this year. it's kinda surprising and catching me off guard. how long have my friends gone through this? how long have they been holding in? wow i feel blind.


what would i do if i could turn back time? i would give up my time and turn back time for others. becuase really my problems are like a speck in the wind compared to yours. my wound will only get deeper if i see the ones around me crying and hurting. don't be sad. how hypocritical of me.

11.03.09

listening to: legend of zelda music becuase i'm playing it. :D

omg. legend of zelda is the best video game ever. it's so time consuming and fun. it's a good way to soak up the time. i've gone crazy for it i've even looked up when the next one is coming out. 2010.. so long. :( it looks exciting though. ahahha.

i know what you mean wilson. there's nothing really exciting to blog about...

I HAVE SO (kinda) GOTTEN BETTER IN VOLLEYBALL. me and si-yao bumped passed to fifteen today which is really really good on our part. ms.osborne said it was a miracle. ... but i feel like i really really suck while playing on a team. at least on maggie's team. when i play on julia's im like the best. im not trying to be concieted but i hate it when it's like, you're too good to be in one place, but not good enought to be on a high place. like the B and C courts. im inbetween. that sucks. ugh. idk how im going to pass the volleyball final. ms.osborne saw me set and said it was like a four. that's better than a zero and a 'YOU SUCK!':p ms.osborne looooves me. idk.

and the show's gotten way better too. im pretty happy with it now. the freshman are soo much better. they're really good at playing music. some are better than me. but they just can't march. :l the only thing i'm sad about is that we didn't put in many visuals. so it's not very exciting to perform. maybe next year. we only have two more competitions left! omg!! folsom!! :DD sweepstakes fosho.
mochi's joining MB next year. whoooo!

uhhhh... :l yeah well. day off tomorrow! feels good. 10 weeks without break. i think we all need one. hopefully when we come back we'll be refreshed and relaxed and ready to start again. hopefully thursday will treat me well. :D

11.02.09

listening to: オラ Yeah!, big bang

wow, i haven't blogged in a LONG time. i miss it. i'm up to 96 blog posts. yes, i'm keeping track. ahaha. idk if anyone's still reading my blog. it's been awhile, and most of them are in college now. ....
anyway. ive been in a slump. kinda like, avoid avoid through internet. kinda unavoidable in public. ive gotten a lot close to my music though. most of my time is dedicated to fining new songs now. music obsessed. :) im learning how to deal with the stresses that are born a long with you in life.
you can say i'm way less tolerant now. -___- not a very happy joy joy attribute to obtain. i get pissed off a lot more easily now. i may not show it, but there is that one person i always consult with. i can't stand a lot of you guys and you dont even know. :) ahahahaha.

anywayyy, i miss you guys. how's life on blogspot? exciting? ahaha. you guys don't blog much. wtf. -____-
bleeahhhhhhh -______________________________________- my favorite face. :D

thank you though. becuase i know that most of you that read my blogs are real caring people. i know who are real friends in this world. you people are the kind of people i look up to every day. thank you.

10.18.09

listening to: the song stuck in my head.

third place in our division last night!!! woooo :) we're improving so much, it's a good feeling.

last night at indi was really really fun. it also got so many people so much stress of thier minds. until we got back, that is..
ghost hunting! lol, apparently some guy names george fell off his ladder at the theater? so...theater haunting=HAVE to check it out. it was creepy. there was this light on the wall that kept on turning on and off, turning red and yellow and flickering all by itself. me and ging were so freaked out by it. almost ran back. but didn't know the way back that school is huge. -____-
before that we were watching the other bands perform. the best EVER was saratoga. we were all watching actually. not chatting. it had us transfixed. like cats are to birds. ahaha. and poor ging didnt have her glasses. :l youtube ging! hella funny when the little fairy people starting worshiping the tree though. best part. :D

oh well, it's junior year. drama overload. i guess there really was no way to avoid it. let's just do what we agreed to do, agreed? finally? :l

10.14.09

listening to: nothing


i think from now on im going to write my really personal blogs on wordpress from now on. partly becuase my deep feelings are mostly bitchy and will only end up causing drama and pissing people off. but i need to write it down somewhere. and frankly, no matter how much i try to talk to people about these feelings, noone listens. this is as deep as this last blog is going to get. you know. is there something wrong with me? i must be a defected being on earth. what's wrong with me? why do i feel this way towards everyone? makes me want to kill myself. im so horrible.

wonder why i havent blogged in awhile? things like this crap start to pour out of my mouth.

second, i want to use wordpress becuase i can lock my blogs. i want only certain people to read them. ive learned to appreciate privacy more.

this blog is all fun and games. wordpress is a different story.

not taht im expecting you to care.

10.12.09

listening to: Fire, 2NE1. (on silent though)


haha, geez, you crack me up:

G (9:32:56 PM): he better be rich lol
A (9:33:04 PM): he doesnt have to be rich
A (9:33:05 PM): just mature
A (9:33:06 PM): :]
G (9:33:09 PM): lol
G (9:33:19 PM): i want a rich guy
A (9:33:22 PM): OK THEN

there was another thing that was SOO funny. not many things can make me laugh over AIM. :) but these two strongly dislike each other, so for respect to both of them, i shall save that for another time.


band performance= UHHHH. can do so much better. but it's the beginning of the season, right? :) i really really really want to add in some visuals though...those are fun. you can't really see the shoulder flick though. :l i thought that one was cool. GO ALTOS. :D

10.05.09

listening to: Barnacle Goose, Born Ruffians

whoooo it's getting cold over here! yesss i love the cold. i love to snuggle into my blankets where its really warm while it's so cold outside. sometimes i just put my hand to the window and let it sit there while i sleep. compare and contrast baby compare and contrast. :p except i dislike tehg etting up part. then i get super cold and uncomfortable. ehhh..

anyway, I FINALLY SERVED A BALL OVER THE NET! proud of me? maggie? hmmm? hehe, scored a point taht way becuase noone was expecting me to get it over. anyway, i officially lost my black vans. darn...i was trying to break them in, too. i hate it when shoes look too new, too perfect. so i like to wear them down. but i lost them. :( so sad. so now i have no closed toed shoes, besides flats. but flats are ugly. so...my feet are freezing.
today...today was ok. a good practice, everyone was being more serious. i had to leave early for SAT prep though. i actually like that class. i learned a lot about the SAT and math really quick. and the teacher is cool, too. gave me free kit kat bars. :p i never see those around any more...i dont know his name though. fail. ahaha. i know his email address though. :D sooo i learned alll about this math stuff, then he gave me a practice test. didn't know any of it. :l
got back home around 8. sooo tired...still ahve math and physics and american lit. to do. i dont feel like it. so instead i blog. ahahaha. ehhh nothign to write about...


i think, when i grow up, im going to have a pet. for my children. so they can get used to the idea of things dying in their lives. :D


a.k.a--i want a pet hedgehog. so cutee.


@maggie: harvard is so much betterrr. LOL. the SAT teacher asked me if i wanted to go to harvard. took me awhile to figure out i was wearing a harvard sweatshirt. fail.

10.04.09

listening to: nothing.

did i miss something? it seems whenever i skip out on something, SOMETHING happens. something new happens taht manages to piss someone off, or piss everyone off. there's no saftey anymore. it's all free reign.

just got back from sacramento visting yingying. didn't really do anything. had a nice dinner, ate a bunch of mooncake. i was super bored, so i made so many friends. they're all sooo cute! and they came out really nice. :) on sunday, i woke up at 10, which is an all time record for me, i never wake up that late. and then Uncle Ed and EJ came over. i looked like shit, i rolled out of bed. my hair was sticking up and i had on sweats. ahaha. i dont like looking like crap in front of my cousins, especially EJ and Darryl becuase they always dress nice. so i ran in the bathroom and got dressed real quick. EJ mowed the lawn for yingying and me and everyone else just ate breakfast...then we packed up and came home and im back! it feels sooo good to be back. sacramento smells like old city and is at least 10 degrees hotter over there than here in milpitas. milpitas is like breathing fresh air. even though the air is dump air. :p

i'm really bummed i had to miss out on kikay's 16th halloween birthday party. :l i was really looking foward to that...but i had mooncake to go to. *sigh. i hope everyone had fun. i had nothign to wear to the party anyway. ahahaha.

uhhh...nothing relaly to talk about. eh. yingying still thinks my name's suzy. :l awww...oh well. don't have the heart to tell her it's allyson. x) i think she prefers suzy.

happy anniversary mom and dad! let's go out to a fancy yummy resturaunt today to make me full and happy. :D

10.01.09

listening to: Daylight, Matt&Kim

geez, it's like God doesn't want me to have a pair of stupid flip-flops. ive spent over a week trying to find a pair. cant find one. either not my size, something i would NEVER wear, bright pink...30 bucks...something is always wrong and i can't buy it. bleeehhh... :p
also tried to find converse. didn't ahve any in my size. wow. i think i have to resort to buying my stuff offline. this is rediculous.

anywayy...i feel asleep in 1st period today. my teacher was reading a novel to us, and i fell asleep holding my book. good thing he didn't catch me. i was out for like, 10 minutes. slept my whole way through SSR too. i almost drooled on my desk. D: lol, that's so gross. xD i told my daddy and he said to get more sleep. i can't. i have too much hwk. :( i want to though. and SAT prep is coming up. im going to be getting home around 8, and i do like 4+ hours of hwk per day. this is going to suck.
nothing much to say really...just really bored. i havent been to a mall for a couple of months now. yaaay, i get to go shopping with my long lost shopping buddy anna bannana. :D i miss her. santana roooow!!! whoooooooo

im sleepy. nothing to say. i want to go paintballing. it looks fun. or go shooting. i want to shoot something.




i love your speech wilson!

09.30.09

listening to: Sorry Sorry, Super Junior

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY! i looooove you. :)

ahhhh, i have the house to myself, except for my brother. mommy and daddy are out for back to school night. it's so relaxing.
today was great until band came. idk what's going to happen. and i can say that i really dislike this year. i feel so underdogged. like so many people are underestimating me. and all these changes are being made for people who can't count. >:[ and no visuals yet. *sigh.
oh well. there's nothing but up. stay positive! for the band.

i feel like there are so many closed doors in the band. so many dark secrets. and noone is opening them. and it sucks choosing to stay on this side and not open them. for the safety of the ones on the other side.

09.29.09

listening to: Cosy in the Rocket, PSAPP




i was trying to find a picture of a glass, plastic, and metal cups lined up but i couldnt. so i settled for this. so against my OCD-ness. i put that picture there becuase my best friend told me something that i feel like is important. everyone has friendships. but what kind friendships are these? glass? plastic? or metal?
glass? will it break and shatter at the smallest fall and scuff?
plastic? is it strong and flexible but will tear and is untimately fake?
or is is metal? strong and sturdy and nothing can break it.
and guess what type of friendship me and smore have? :)





plastic.




and that heartbreaks me. not that i believe in it. i totally do not believe in this bullshit. but she does. that hurts. she will only make it this way if she makes it this way. things are still the same. but she's convinced that the day will come when we will fight and ultimately we will say, 'i hate you, i dont want to be your friend'. and that's it. end of story. gone forever. becuase that's what plastic is. i just want to put it out here. i wont ever stop being your best friend. smores forever, got that? it would kill me if we ever stopped being friends. don't let band and my other friends get in the way with that. or your friends either.


so. what friendships do you have?

09.26.09

listening to: nothing.

today was the last 8 hour practice the band will have for the rest of the year. its a bittersweet thing. even though i hate the hot sun and tiring marching, i bond a lot with people during the practices. and they're so rewarding afterwards.

we finally finished the whole show!!!! we did our first whole run through without stopping. i jumped up and down when we finally finished it. :D the show is awesome. i love it how we start in a circle, and at the end we end in a circle. how cool is that? today during practice, all of us were dying because it was really really hot. so mr.kaldy jumped down from the podium thingy he was standing on, and said, 'im going to turn on the sprinklers for you guys' and so the whole band sprinted to the grass field and we all ran around in the sprinklers for a few minutes. when i heard mr.kaldy say that, i jumped up from behind the go kart, and i screamed, 'YES!' and i grabbed julia's hand and sprinted to the field. totally opposite of how i was before all dead and tired. and then back to marching. i really really like the last set, when we all condense intot he circle. ahaha, listen to me rant on and aon about this. x)and then after the we finished, he turned back on the sprinklers and we all ran around again. lol.

anyway, today the flutes surprised jen with a cake. we got her strawberry shortcake. i know, sounds a lot like a jen jen, right? its so easy to pull the wool over her eyes, i thought we were so obvious... -____- and vanessa was so sweet and gave jen her present. awwww!

it was a good day. im ready to fall asleep and stay that way for a few days though. :)

09.25.09

listening to: 소년이여, G-Dragon

i have this recurring dream. ahaha, yeah, ive been having wierd dreams again. three this time. two of them are similiar.

dream #1:
im in a forest. do you know the game paper mario? the trees are like that, paper thin looking. and the ground is pitch black, but you can still see the dirt. kind of. like the leaves are drawn into the ground. and the trees are white. pure white. even the leaves. and the little bit of sky you can see through the leaves is black too. and so im walking through this forest, and i see a little boy. and he's further away from me. more up front. and he's dodging through the trees and when he's far enough, he stops and stares at me from behind a trunk.

dream #2:
so im walking through an abandoned city. if you watched I Am Legend the city is like that. but its like im walking in a warehouse. i see the street and the buildings. but i dont see past the street im on. eveything else is pitch black. and the sky is so low. like its a ceiling. and all i see is black above me. and all teh buildings are tall apartments. and while im walking, there's someone staring at me through one of one of the windows. all i see is a white sillouette. and no matter how far i walk, the sillouette is always there.

dream #3:
im out with julia and i cant remember...albert? i think. and we're in this asian place. idk. but we're like, in sort of a really old asian city. like, complicated alleyways and small crammed houses. and we go inside one house, and it turns out to be this really nice fancy store. o.o pretty pretty shiny shiny. but the thing is is that everything is oversized. the chairs, the shelves, even the things we buy. which are candy bars and little toys. -____-


i had this really cool dream where i was in the jungle and up in the trees and int eh trees there was a school. a big school up in the treetops made out of wood. the only thing is is that i went inside a classroom and got choked to death. not fun.


boooored. i want to call someone up. ;)

09.24.09

nothing to say but that im PISSED. what the fuck. i swear. im pissed as hell. fuck you and all of your standards. im sick and tired of trying to reach them and then get slapped back down. you never live up to your words, huh? once i reach your pathetic excuses of goals, you just give me another. punish me? ME? fuck you. im sick and tired of this. im sick and tired of you. grow up. GROW UP. why the hell are you treating me like this when i do everything you ask of me and more? i shaped up this year for you. im trying to get straight A's. im focusing more on my future, im aiming for scholarships. what more do you want from me? i can give you no more than what i can manage. dont be lecturing me on these things when you werent even able to achieve them yourself when you were my age becuase you were just pathetic enough like that. dont take it all and give nothign back. that's all i ahve to say.

09.23.09

listening to: That's Not My Name, The Ting Tings

my computer's lagging. really bad. making me mad. >:O

today was an ok day. not great. not fabulous that i said on my twitter, but w/e. ahahaha. its sort of gotten to the point where i dont really want to go to band anymore. ive gotten sick of it. like im dreading the practices every mon and wed. well, im not im not SICK of it. but i feel like noone's wanting to put in effort. and noone's getting better. the band itself isnt getting better. that's sort of discouraging, you know? and all this laz-y-ness is sucking the life out of me. ahaha. i wish teh class of '09 was back. :( i feel like we cant do shit without you guys. ahaha. i though we could maybe pull it off, but its looking to be the other way around...

got an 18 on my mem test today. that was an up. ive gotten sorta kinda maybe? better at volleyball. i can hit the ball into the court now! :)))) but sometimes most of the time i still hit it out. and everyone just turns thier heads. AHAH. im not THAT bad. well. maybe i am. whenever i have to serve, everyone gives up. and when im paired up with a person. he/she always cringes. hey. >:O

literally. i roll out of bed now. ahaha. and i take all the sheets with me. and i crawl out of them becuase its so friggin hard to get out of bed now! its like my muscles are like worms. OMG. today i had a great wakeup call. i stepped on a huge snail. -____- and it was stuck ont he bottom of my sandal so i could feel a lump and i had to scrape it off. ewwwwwwwwww. i hate snails and worms and bugs in general and i had to scrape it off?! pleasent. quite pleasent.
lol, i think ive developed a germaphonbia thingy. i cant stand it when people share drinks and food. and i sure as hell dont share my food and drinks now. i dont even really like sharing clothes now unless its like, a jacket or something. i cant use the same washcloth over once anymore. if i do, i convince myself i stink and my face is gross and i have to wash my face again. i dont like using the handle of the shower head anymore. i cant have my toothbrush touching the mirror of the bathroom. in fact, if i could, i was take out my toothbrush and all the washclothes out of the bathroom daily becuase i think the bathroom is gross in general. and if you freaking sneeze or wipe your gross sweat on me i will FREAK out. ahaha. when frank wiped his sweat on me, i saw it on my shoulder and i freaking JUMPED on kevin (he was nearest. if not for him, DJ was next) and wiped it all over him. and kevin was like, '-____- gee, thanks.' ahaha, sorry. :(

just though i'd express that.



just for fair warning.





everyone deserves a best friend forever. :)
i have mr.panda. :DDDDD and of course my smore'. yuuuuum.


LOL. i forgot my pants in the band room! oh no! :D

09.22.09

listening to: nothing. again.

you're so confusing. i look forward most to those times at night when we 'tuck each other in' and you'r the last one i talk to. it's hours on end. it's addicting. like, im not doing my homework becuase im talking to you for so long. i find myself wanting to stay on forever until you go to sleep. i want to call you all the time. and i enjoy calling you up and talking to you. and im happy that you want to call me up too. but you're so confusing.
school comes and sometimes you just pass me by. but when you decide to actually say hi to me, its like we were never like that. you hug me tight and warm. you really care for me, listening to me and giving me advice. we're always the first to IM each other when we sign on. and you cherish what i give you. but it pains me when you do that to me at school. if im happening to not be looking at you, you pass right by me, and all i see is your back. and i want to go up to you and hug you, but you're so uptight on your guard. and just push me away. even if it's reflex, it still hurts.
this is why i can't see myself in a relationship with you. frankly.

its hard being in such close friendship with you. but i still want to be your close friend.
i dont get you, you know that? ive known you for three years now. but its like i dont know you at all. but at the same, time, we know each other better than most friends do.

honeybuns, i know how you feel now. i wish i knew what was going on in that head of yours. :l
so confusing.




everyone has thier rough patches. get better. please. i dont know waht else to say. but all things can be ammended, even if they seem like they cant. only the most heartless of the heartless will never forgive. is that person really like that? that's all i know what to say.

09.21.09

listening to: nothing

today was not that great of a day. to put frankly. -____- mr.kaldy totally cancelled practice today. not saying i dont blame him. i dont get why we're doing to badly this year. im sweating and working till i drop and feel like im going to die. but its like it's never enough. there's always one person that can't get it right. and it's killing everyone.
and little things too. like not bringing drill. and im guilty for some of those things. :l oh well. im ready to start changing. im not very good on keeping myself hydrated though. which is a big problem...

anyway. not that much happened today. bored. i think im going to go now. bye.

09.20.09

listening to: Stronger, Kanye West

i havent blogged in awhile.

sorry to those who read my blogs often. i know you guys expect me to write like, everyday. ahaha.
im starting to regret writing so much of my feelings here on this blog. im glad i had, but still. after i get the feedback, it sort of sucks. :l and its not that pleasant for the other person either. but still. where am i supposed to put these feelings? to my pillow? i dont think so.
and i get your comment. thank you for that. and yeah i do have things to say about it, but im dropping for good. and i hope you do too. mmk? start a new page. dont forget it happened, but turn the page to a new chapter. you even said all best friends get in fights. we have our tough spots, but we get over it. and i like the saying, 'learn from your mistakes' becuase that's probably the only saying i really take to heart. and i try to really i do.

im starting back on seabiscuit. wooow i know. but its sort of that situation where the other likes the other and so the one that the other likes starts to like back only becuase that person starts to like the other. ahaha, very confusing right? the great mind of allyson. D:
i DO like him. a little. not that much. but seeing how i just came out of a relationship. even if i were given the chance to go out with him. it would be a no. everyone's asking me, 'would you go out with him?' no.no.no. maybe. lol. its like a 90% no. i mean, nothing's ever definite. but seeing how i just came out of a relationship, and how i handled that relationship, i dont even deserve a relationship with another guy. at least until i grow up and learn how to handle these situations better and more maturly without hurting the latter.

im glad we're good friends though. :)

im making friends for everyone. this way everyone has a someone. noone's ever alone.he/she may turn out crappy and fuck ugly but at least he/she will always stick by everyone's side. they love you. and they're not even created yet. hehehe. x)

BYE WILSON CHEAH! ill miss you while you're away in college.
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TINA! i havent been blogging recently. lol.

anyway, sunday afternoon, i should start on my much procrastinated hwk. goodbye.

09.16.09

listening to: my heartbeat.

you know, i go through so much trouble putting aside my pride, and my feelings, and i say sorry. it may have not been the exact words, 'im sorry' but what i said had much more meaning. the things i said to you were true, its truely what i felt, and it all meant sorry.

i had my problems, you had yours. dont deny it, you're not perfect. you had flaws that annoy people too. i apologized for my wrong doings.

i expected much more from you today. i expected at least an apology. of any kind. but no. you dont apologize for anything. in fact, you leave me hanging and just leave. wow. you know, you cant be calling me out on this. its the truth. i apologized. and you didnt.

you have no idea how much taht humiliates me. i sucked up all of my pride and the ground i stood on, and look at where it got me.

you know, maybe next time i wont be so forgiving. maybe next time, i just wont care. maybe next time, ill just blow you off and not even apologize, then maybe you'll see how you feel. you got to say sorry sometimes. you're not always right.

but im done. i wrote my feelings and im over it. its gone with the wind, im not going to bring this up again unless you do. im one to forget anger fast. ill change during band, i told you i would and i will. promise.
you said you had a problem with me as a person. as i have a problem with you as a person.


and once again, here it is. the famous line i craved to hear but now i wont ever care even if it comes out of your mouth. im sorry.

09.14.09

listening to: nothing

this last weekend was looking pretty bland. white washed walls bright sunlight sitting in bed doing nothing no color bland. like mushy rice in a gritty ceramic bowl. dont you hate that noise when you scrape your spoon or fork against a gritty plate? yeah. it sucks. but lo and behold, it didnt stay that way, thank GOD. i phone up jen around 730 because she called me up awhile ago and im issed her call. but she said she's at jessica's and that i should go out with them. so i ask my dad. but of course, he says, 'NO.' -___- so i told jen and jessica that, and then we decided, if i can't go out, why not go to allyson's house? :) what a mood lifter. ahaha. we went dancing in the rain! it was raining taht night, how epic. me and jen couldnt execute our plan becuase axell was there. but in due time...
we went jumping around in the puddles in front of my house and jessica blasted the music in her car and we were dancing and singing along to those. we went on like that for close to and hour or two...ahahaha. summer rain! however, it might have been more fun with frank and kevin, but they were being butts. :( ill always remember this night, it was so much fun.
and hence the magical story of how my wonderful at first bland weekend came to be. :D

today was hell. i dreamt i started my period and i woke up...viola. shit. i was pissed! so i started out my day 530 in the morning pissed. and since it was my first day, i was in a bitchy snippy mood and didnt really want to deal with anyone. but on top of that i had band practice. and i forgot another pad, and physics did not get any more exciting or easier. ugh. mondays. hate them.
on a upside, i didnt get to do that much volleyball. ms.osborn didnt yell at me as much today. phew! she is one scary little japanese lady,t hat's for sure.

super junior M is coming out with a new single called super girl. SNSD's jessica is going to be in it. im excited to see the MV when it coems out. my favorite member henry is like, unrecognizable now. idk. he cut his hair or something. before and after pic!:
before:
after:
that is just not right. :( why???
ahah, he looks like one of my friends richie. richard! grow your hair out and you'll be so cute! :D but why did henry cut his hair? i loved you're hair henry...
i love it when he plays the violin. it's so hot.

craving ice cream. :P

09.13.09

listening to: In the Clube, 2NE1

yesterday was a full day. well, it started at 1. i was home alone until keith and dee picked me up to take me to practice. practice was FUN. idk, i had a blast. ahaha. it didnt seem that long, i wanted it to be longer. but we had to end early becuase there was no light. it got freezing cold thought around 7. and i was wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts. brrrrr~
had lunch at nob hill, found out we were cutting the time close, sprinted back to the band room, and then sprinted down to the field, and while sprinting, saw maggie sprinting after us. LATE. ahaha. i marched without shoes. it's really comfy. its like marching on a cusion. it was nice and cool. we managed to get through 13/16 sets of the second song. that's really good. we're back on schedule drill wise for MB. the band wanted to do another set, but mr.kaldy said it was too dark to do another one. :l

after marching band practice, i left right after and raced over to MVCCC for pat, glo, addie, and emma's party. i made it around 830. that was pretty good, even though it ended at 9. LOL. but afterwards, me and irene escaped and went to a room to talk and catch up. i miss her so much!
while we were talking, little pat kept on interrupting us. -____- like, every room we went to, he kept on popping his head in. wow. ahaha, privacy? the last time he did it, he brough austin in. and austin just stared at us, and was like, 'Verde?' and me and irene were like, 'OF COURSE!'. ahaha. that stuff is good, if you havent had verde yet, GO, that place is a really really good tap ex, and it's cheaper and has good deals. and the portions are waaaaay more bigger. so austin drove me and irene to downtown mt.view and met hanson up at verde. then we just chilled in verde sipping our drinks. i havent had a night like that in a long time. it felt good, sitting there in a warm cafe during a freezing cold night with your friends. :) we stayed there until about 11 and then i got back around 1130...a full day. woooo. i dropped dead once i got home. ahaha.

so i talked to austin about overseas college, and he suggested UCLA and then take a program there for overseas. like, i take a class for UCLA in a different country. guess what im aiming to do now? :)

09.12.09

listening to: Butterfly, G-Dragon

there was thunder last night. :O after the football game, my dad went outside, and he came running back in and was all like, 'omg, it's raining outside!' wtf? ahaha. how wierd. and oh. look what i twittered:

"Allylywong goodmorning! thunder last night o.o freaky not really supposed to be winter but it's summer but the weather's so biplar rain! :O"

and then i realized, that it's not winter next, it's fall. -___- shit. oh well, too late to unpost it, it's already sent to my friends phones. lol.
but isnt that really wierd? hmmmm. lol, me and jen have this plan. and if things continue like this, it'll come true! you'll see it on the news. or maybe newpaper. LOL

"olivejuice!" - Jennifer Ruperto

:) olivejuice jennifer!

09.11.09

listening to: Heartbreaker, G-Dragon.

today is 9/ll. i felt like it was kinda messed up how no one commemorated it. not even on the school announcements. not even at the football game. wth? idk. i'll commemorate them on my own though.

so my days start out with zero period PE. and i suck at the sport i play, volleyball. MY GOD. i can't do ANYTHING in this sport. i cant serve, set, bump, or attack. i keep hoping, 'maybe im a server, maybe im a setter' but im never anything. i dont get it! i can play any other sport. rugball, tennis, badminton, soccer, softball, at least a little. but this i can do at all. how frustrating. >:O and today ms. osborn made me stay after and hit a bunch of other balls and then mad becuase i couldnt set even one ball right, made me run around the gym and pick up all the balls. not my fault i suck. lol. ahhh well. im screwed fml. im garunteed a no A in this class. i need to up my game. :O but i cant if im just not made for this sport. ahaha. why is this sport so damn hard?

the football game tonight was fun. i was late for the warming up though, i had to sprint to the top of the hill to get there in time. and the score/time board broke, so we had to guess what time we had to get down to the field. -___- that was fun. i thought i was going to get hit a football and get killed. the ends of those things are pointy, you know... and there were these green bugs flying around everywhere. they were pretty! but HUGE! omg! like a green glowing beetle with wings! a new species! ahahaha. then bleacher time was fun. lots of fun where i sit. ahaha. and dang! so many birthdays in september in band. coralee's was today. vanessa's was yesterday. and vicky's is on sunday. jennifer's on the 27. gaaaah, we're going birthday crazy. it was like a baby boom meant to happen.
anyway, tomorrow is an eight hour practice. 8_8 i pray ill survive. or not faint. its funny, me and kirsten always have our sick days on the same day. so maybe ill have company. ahaha. but yeah, getting a ride from keith, thank god, im saved! hallelujah! i dont like troubling my parents for rides. or money any more. i feel bad. like they could use this stuff for so much better things. :l
im beat. i think ill sleep. that kinda rhymes! hehe, awesome. today was epic, even though i didnt really enjoy it. are things like that possible? :l

09.06.09

listening to: Haru Haru, Big Bang

i have waaay too much asian music on my iPod. -___- i need to clean out my iPod soon. ASAP. lol.
labor day weekend is so boring. soo sooo boring. nothign to do except phone up friends eat internet practice flute and homework. went out with my parents most of the week. the ONE time i could have hung out with someone i missed thier call. kevin and frank were in my neighborhood too. gosh, i miss them. ... anyway. im like, drinking up this time i ahve for relaxation becuase i realize im not going to be getting a lot of it this year. ahaha.
i spent most of my day hugging mr.panda. LOL. i love him! i keep my heart hidden away in him. ;)
so random. this blog is random.
oh sorry. random. but today i ate this new chinese dish. it's called lion's head. IT'S REALLY GOOD. ahaha. if you ever have the chance to eat it, please do. yum. and
it does look like a lion's brain. :) lion's brain is yummy. AHHHHAAAAA.

anyway, before i got to bed, sweet dreams to everyone. i hope you dreams about sweet things which is kinda what i just said. AHAHA. i had a nother dream last night about this room. actually. i really want to blog about it.

so there's this hotel. it's one of those hotels that are in the middle of nowhere and is really deserted and scary looking. you know how it's bright but still looks spooky? yeah. anyway, there's on room. room 227? yeah. and for some reason, it's Jennifer's uncle's room. he owns it. but the thing is, he disappeared a long time ago. anyway, this room is being rented out to other people. but the thing is is that the room is cursed. at 11 AM and 11 PM every day ghost sort of. a dead person. but he's still there? you know, kinda of what the grudge is. shows up and tries to kill whoever's in the room. he tries to stab you/slash you but if he misses you and just cuts your arm or something, he missed. kinda thing. but if you make it outside the room, he can't touch you. and all you have to do is make it past 11 AM and 11 PM. then you're safe and he goes away. and in the dream i witness this family get killed. like the mom husband and son survive, but the mom gets stabbed in the face and the daughter dies. mmhm. really scary.

i hope you guys dream better and happier dreams. :) you guys will always be in my heart and dreams! goodnight!

09.05.09

listening to: Hello, G-Dragon

love this song. ahaha. its sooo catchy.
anyway, about last night's football game. wow, that was SO fun. ahaha. it was great to hear from the freshman how fun it was. and there was so many fun parts. like the pep song, 'Let's Go Crazy'. the sax's me jen maggie and vanessa stood on the bleachers and danced to it. then this freshman broke a stand! lol, how do you do taht? it was funny, no one was mad though. it was just a 'freshman' moment. :D
the show was good too. my mom said she couldnt hear us though. -____- how do you not hear a whole band? LOL. and maggie is so unfair while playing ABCD. cheater. mean. anyway, football game. froze my fingers off. afterwards, hung out at the band room for awhile, then walked to the front of the school with jennifer. and went home.

today i went out to korea town with my parents. got groceries and GD's Heartbreaker album. i love it. the album is kinda spooky though. to the right: my favorite is uhhhh all of it. ahaha. anyway, afterwards me mama and papa went out to fish market. i think that's what it's called. wow, best sea food ever. lol. no lie. i never ate muscles until today and it tasted so good. i drank the broth at the bottom of the pot. x) got home around 830...im missing everyone already. im not one to stay away from friends for too long. i love you guys too much. ahahaha. gosh, im blushing. :) oh yeah! i forgot to say albert gave me the beautiful red velvet cupcake yesterday. xD ahhaa. ive said thank you a million kajillion times. but i dont get a lot of things from people. i take it as something special. :)
*ahem. im keeping my head up. had my fill today. ahaha.

oh. and you know what else i had my fill of? farts. not me. on me. yeah. that's right. im talking about you. tsk tsk. now ill have to get you back now...what a shame. watch your back. or balls. >:)

09.03.09

listening to: nothing

i feel so crappy for what i did to you. pulling the wool over your eyes and decieving you for so long. you had a right to know sooner. i regret doing what i did. i deserve so much more.
there are reasons why i did what i did. there are better people out there. you were with a kid. i need to grow up. but at the same time, im at peace or im trying to be at peace with what i did. and im sure you'll have many more opportunities out there.

i jsut want you to be happy. that's all i want. but i need to be happy, too, you know? i would be so happy for you if you were just happy yourself. it would make me feel so much better. but im not asking you to just get up and be, 'im over it, im happy!' it takes time, and it'll take time for me too.

i hope we're still friends. i want to be your friend.
ill see you around. and im sorry.

09.02.09

listening to: nothing.

ok well, im procrastinating hella. i KNOW i should be doing my stupid hwk. but im so tired....band practice was so hot. it was so easy...but it was like 90 degree weather and that is NOT desirable to march in. i felt so bad becuase i had to sit out becuase i felt so sick. :( i felt like i really let my section down, being assistant section leader and all. ugh...
anyway, the upside was that when i was sitting out, i heard the band play. i heard flutes singing! :D yay, happy days. ahaha. that got me energized becuase i ran back and played a bit more before i finally dropped dead and HAD to sit out. lol.

im procrastinating so much im re-reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. im so good at this. AHAHA. but yeah. my tan got about 3 shades darker. if that was even possible. that sucks. ugh. i think i got burned, too. :(


anyway, i gotta get started on my hwk. i probably wont, but w/e.
i just thought this picture was hella cute. this is for Vanessa! im sorry to say, Jen, that GD did NOT actually dye his hair back to brown. oops. oh well. i think his dog is SOOOO cute though! his name is GaHo. awwww! anyway. procrastination i wish i could go shopping right now. i miss the mall. and my smore. i wish i could go shopping with her :( HOMEWORK. in half an hour. i promise. :D

08.30.09

listening to: 21 Guns, Green Day

this weekend was an interesting weekend. had a movie weekend with just Jennifer and Jessica. it's been awhile since it's been only the three of us. had lots of fun girly talk. :) you know, the guy talk. AHAHAH. make you curious?
we watched a bunch of movies. they were; The Strangers, Eternal Sunshin of the Spotless Mind, Darkness Falls, Atonement, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, and i left and now Jen and Jess are watching SilentHill. ahaha. those were good movies. all of them were good. anyway, stayed up watching movies all night, and stayed over at Jessica's watching movies. partway through the day, Jennifer got a phone call saying she was about a half hour late to her band rehearsal. -_- ahaha, id ont blame her for forgetting, i would have forgotten too if i were ahving fun. but still we went to SBSMA and spent some time there waiting for Jennifer to finish. Me and Jessica chilled in teh room and ate salami and cheese cracker sandwhiches. ehehe.
salami is so addicting.
anything i do with these two is always fun. :) this weekend was such a refresher for me. it kept my mind off of many things.

before that, i went out with Anna and Tim on saturday in the morning. me and Anna watched Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. OMG. that movie is just as good as the first time. Anna loved it. and many other things in that movie. ahaha. secrets secrets. dont worry, i wont blab. ;)

anyway, im back at 530 and im so tired...sleep deprived. AHA. but i need to do lots of homeowork. i lied to my dad and said i didn have that much so i could stay out longer. :(
argh, geez. i hate homework. it's so friggin hard to crack open the stupid text book.

08.28.09 Amber

listening to: Pretty Boy, 2NE1

so there's this new Kpop girl group coming out called f(x). there's this one girl in it named Amber. she's known for her strong vocal and rapping skills. and her indivisual style. the first time i saw her, i thought she was a guy. but she's really pretty. she's Chinese-American and from Orange County, California. that's pretty close to me. im really interested int his group. SNSD's leader, Jessica's younger sister, Krystal is in it. anyway, Amber's my favorite. here's a picture of her:

08.28.09

listening to: Abracadabra, Brown Eyed Girls

today i was walking through Safeway and i saw this elderly couple walking down an isle together. and they were asian. and what you have to know about asians, is that they dont display emotions. at least, the generation before me. it's not a part of our 'culture' and it's not 'expected' of us to display love happiness or excitement. the only emotion that ive seen other than this is anger.
but these two...they were so happy. you could tell. i mean. the guy was still feeling the woman up. -_____- im not a perv. i wasnt checking it out, but it was so sweet. it made me smile. x) i followed them awhile for awhile. i admired them really. i hope ill end up like that someday. wouldnt everybody? :)


this song's lyrics are really real. if you've heard this song, cool. but im only posting the main verses. they're the ones that have the real meaning in it.

epik high's Love Love Love:

Verse 1:
Have you ever been in love before?
Falling at first sight, like in the movies?
Spent the entire night talking on the phone?
Bragged to the entire world?
Waited in the pouring rain?
Run like crazy to the one you love?
Secretly guarded?
Gone crazy?
Pretended not to see when you really did?

Verse 2:
I’m sure you have been in love
Spent all your money on your anniversary
Apologized even when you didn’t do anything wrong
Spent entire days writing love letters

Verse 3:
Pushed back promises with your family
Prayed to God for that persons health
Ignored your friends
Missed them
Guarded their leaving figure

Verse 4:
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Had your makeup wash off in the pouring rain?
Cut your long hair?
Started smoking again?
Avoided areas where they might be?
Wrote letters you know you would never send?
Called them while you were drunk?
(Hello?)
Had your lips freeze up

Verse 5:
I’m sure you've had a broken heart
Hated them as much as you loved them
Ripped up letters you didn’t read
Deleted the phone number you will never forget
Celebrated anniversaries by yourself
Burned all the photographs
Thought every song about heartbreak in the world was yours

Verse 6:
Cry like an idiot
Get drunk again
Hold on to your friend
And curse that person

Time passes
Get drunk again
Grab the phone
Say love!


---
time passes. everything will get better.


"Thought every song about heartbreak in the world was yours"
get over yourself. there comes a time when you HAVE to stop rolling around and crying out, 'poor me!'. learn to give it time and let it pass. for good.

08.26.09

listening to: I Gotta Feeling, Black Eyed Peas

sometimes i just get that feeling that makes me want to dig deep down in my insides, take out my real feelings, and scream, 'FCK IT!' to the world. but i know saying taht would hurt you and everyone else around me, so im sticking through it. dammit. but have i ever thought about what would happen on this other side of the stick? fck this and this. im done. i want to. but im not. what am i doing with my life. and this time im serious.

"Laugh and the whole world laughs with you weep and you weep alone" - Frank Yau

08.25.09 zero period

listening to: Crazy Love, DBSK

unnnghhh... i hate zero period. every second im in it, a piece of me dies. T3T i was so tired today. i fell asleep three times in precal class. ahaha. that's a new record for me. it's really hard for me to fall asleep. im willing to put the effort into waking up at 6 every day and getting to school every day at 7. it shouldn't be that hard. today though, they made us get to school at 7, and then after like, 20 minutes, the PE teacher was like, 'ok, you're dismissed!' WOW. i could have slept in for another half hour. ehhh. :l
but then again, i like PE. ahaha.

yep. nothing happened today. i got my American Apparal jacket! i love it! Maggie looked so cute today holding all of them. x)
i got a mauve jacket. idk if anyone else has the color, that's why i got it. o.o
i dont like following mainstream. that's a load of BS.


more APUSH. quiz tomorrow. oh boy. that'll be fun. prepping for it. reading ch. 2, 3, 4 and 5.


oh yeah. i burned my arm today. again. spilled some boiling water on it. :(
klutz for life.



oh yeah! today was my best friend, Cindy's birthday! happy 16th! i owe you a raincheck. ahaha. i love you! im glad i got to spend these past three years getting to know you. :) smores and best friends for life! MOH. im glad you're that type of friend taht can tell me anything without being afraid of hurting my feelings. that is one thing i value most in a person. if they are willing to tell me straight up and not hide it from me, becuase how else am i supposed to change for the better? if words like taht came from anyone else, i would have taken it offensivly. like if my breath stank, or if the pants i wore i looked fat in (you've said that to me once) but not from you. becuase i know you only tell those things to me becuase you want to help me and you love me. and i do the same for you. we've stuck with each other through thick and thin, and you're the strongest girl i know. i love CINDY sooo much! (consider this part of your present, im poor) and of course i look forward to the future i spend with you. ahahah, and yes, you are my child's godmother. and no you cannot rename my child.
:) maybe someday you'll find an unexpected surprise waiting in our locker...

08.24.09 pt. 2

listening to: AIM IMs.

i am such a klutz. it's kinda painful and hilarious at the same time. what happened so far...

1. burned myself with a tidal wave of hot boiling oil. i now have a burn scar on my arm.
2. lost my glasses
3. cut my toe by tripping over a jewelry box. might have a scar.
4. sat down and rammed my face into the laptop. how does that happen??

and i have stubbed my toe so many times this past day.

wow. holy moly. IM A KLUTZ. o.o
dang. i might die from all of this stuff. i might one day sleepwalk and fall off a cliff and impale myself on a bunch of rocks and die. omgosh! :O
ahaha. this is fun. but painful. ouch.

08.24.09

listening to: nothing. STUDY TIME.

first day of school today! august 23, 2009. wow. im a junior. it's amaaazing. at the same time though, i get that huge feeling of exhaustion. im excited though. but im ready to step it up this year. im still not done studying, it's 8:25 PM. ive never studied this late before. and it's probably going to get later. ahaha. im proud of myself. now if i can make past the first day and continue this for the whole year...
i admire you seniors. how did you do it?

im ok with this year's classes. band was soo fun. i dont have any classes with smore'. :( but it's ok. we're sharing a locker. ahaha. dont have alot of friends in a lot of classes, but hey. i dont have a lot of friends. x) i really really like my first period teacher. he's hilarious! ahaha. i love his coca cola collection. so funny.
i have the same math teacher i had freshman year. :l she doesnt like me...but oh well. i got a good grade in her class freshman year, ALLYSON CAN DO IT AGAIN. ahaha.

and then after school the band had marching band practice. that was fun. but i didnt get the march that much becuase of my toe. and when i did, it started to bleed. ew. ahaha. it was like i put on a show for everyone after practice. everyone wanted to see my toe. xD
i should name it. not the name axell gave it anyhow...

well. i guess ill just have to wait and see what the year has in store for me. hopefully good things. good things. :D


lalala~ i want to write a song. really i do...but what about? alby liao, you inspire me... :)

08.23.09

listening to: Bounce, The Cab

PASSION: 1. an outburst of strong emotion or feeling 2. a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music. 3. the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one's nature or one's customary behavior (contrasted with action ).

i wish i had a passion for something. i find myself pulling a blank on everything. friends. music. school. anything. nothing.

"A man can succeed at almost anything for which he has unlimited enthusiasm" - Charles R. Schwab

08.22.09 pt. 2

listening to: 누난 너무 예뻐, SHINee

today was the fateful day. i learned how to drive. kind of. i thank perry. he risked his life and his car for the sake of teaching me the basics. i learned how to reverse, park, turn, etc. driving is harder than it looks. i now have a new found respect for all people that drive. i pay attention now on how drivers drive. i was observing my mom. :) driving is fun though. i was a little scared and kinda bad at first. but then it got better. i like it. i can't wait till i get my permit and can start driving legally.
along with today i watched Hidden Dragon Crouching Tiger, i dont know if it's the other way around, but it was a good movie. perry already watched it, so he was telling me when all the cool fight scenes were comming up. those ladies amaze me. it makes me want to make my children when i have them start martial arts. after that, perry took me out to drive, then we went to subway and just chilled. it was a good day. :) i finally was able to give him the present i wanted to give him. im happy he liked it. at least. im sure he did. :O

i scraped my toe up against this jewelry box my pa-pa gave me, and i scraped a huge chunk of my toe off. a lot of skin is missing under my toe nail. it hurts. :( and i was freaking out. i was crying and screaming huddled in the bathroom corner and my mom came running. she was trying to clean me up but i was freaking out too much. i was kinda hysterical. -___- blood+allyson does not = happy camper. there was so much blood... it was running down my foot and all over the carpet and bathroom floor. idk. i can watch those horror movies, but i can't watch my own toe bleed. ugh.
anyway, two more days till school starts. im happy and not. i wont be able to see perry as much...but ill get to finally see cindy after so many months. ahaha. i wont be able to wear sandals/flipflops becuase of my toe...unless i want everyone to see the four band-aids i put on it. no thanks.

STILL havent finished APUSH. god. GOSH GOLLY. <--- for maggie. idk what im doing with my life. why did i even sign up for APUSH.get a hold of yourself allyson! >:)

tired. i think im going to clock out now. all the crying and screaming over my toe tired me out. ahaha. APUSH TOMORROW. no lie. gotta do it. no excuses! no procrastination! maybe ill sleep in tomorrow...

08.22.09

listening to: Gara Gara Go!, Big Bang

this was awhile go, but on friday i went to registration. that was fun. i got to see (kinda) everyone. (not really) i only really saw anna, bryan, and cindy. everyone else i saw again in band for practice. my schedule i forgot. i wish everyone would stop asking me, and then telling me im dumb for forgetting. at least i had the decency to tell you i forgot, right? x)
there's not really anything going on right now two days before school starts. im really behind in my sleep. i dont know how im going to survive a whole year of zero period. i start at 7 o'clock am. that sucks.
i swear if anyone messes with me ill shank you. or poeund you if you're an axell. :) ahaha. all i know so far is that i have zero period PE, fourth period band, third period chinese, and fifth period precal. Junior year. huh. hope it treats me well.

i still ahvent finished AP. gross. i need to finish that soon... school starts on monday. if i dont have my notes/answers/studying done im screwed.

there are days when i wonder if im worth living around for. if i die, would any of you guys care? you know waht im so happy about now though? that im finally starting to realize you guys actually care. and that makes me so happy. im not going to apologize. i mean, i say sorry too much. from now on, im not going to apologize. im going to thank. kapeesh? :)

perry's going to pick me up in exactly 51 minutes, and i still havent even started to get ready. ... i kinda dont want to go out today, but perry's there, so it's ok. ahaha. im such a lazy asssss, i dont even want to go outside becuase im really dark. and im not black. albert. >:) im not going to even name my black name that albert and maggie named me. it's rediculously dumb. ahaha. anyway, i got to go. get ready for when perry picks me up. movie day! whooo
happy 3 months today. :)

08.16.09

listening to: Love Drunk, Boys Like Girls

sooo..one of my friends Vince is engaged. WOOOW. him and hin fiancee are sooo sweet. you guys make me sick. -_______-. so many 'i love you!'s going around. ahah. im just kidding. i think those two are soo cute. im happy for you guys. i wish you guys the best. just getting it out there. dont want to break up your chains of love letters to each other on FB. ahaha! and i hope everything goes well for Monica in the end. :)

on another note, a bad note, GD dyed his hair! :O why?! now it's blond. ewww...truthfully. look! i dont know. i think ever since he's come out of depression, he's been a little coocoo. ahaha. wierd clothes, wierd hair, weird makeup, wierd everything. kinda scary. ahhaha. this is how he used to look like (it's him with seungri): kinda scary. :( ahaha, sorry, i just had to get that out there.

there are a lot of things going on for me now. band camp, APUSH, a relationship, friends, and of course my spiritual life. and on top of that, there's a lot of jealousy going through me right now. well, not jealousy, but more like, 'why them. they're really not that great as people make them out to be' and sort of, i get the feeling people take avantage of me. they'll use me as a friend, and then just drop me when convenient. and not many people do that to me, but still. it hurts, no matter who the person. im glad i have such good friends who'll stick by me no matter what. but still, those friends have thier problems, OUR problems. and sometimes i wish we could just drop them, but taht would be unfair to everyone, and so i dont wish so say it aloud. let's just say, i want to do whatever is necessary to work things out.
im sort of like jen. i dont really want to be in the drama. but im here for you guys, ill love you guys every step of the way. and ill be standing right next to you, and you guys can go ahead and treat me like your pillow; hit me, yell to me, vent to me, scream to me, and ill still be here. well. dont hit me please. that would hurt. but you know what im saying. i hope.
i wish the best to kirsten. im not taking sides. i support her. she's strong, and im glad she can be above others and state her opinion strongly. go kirsten! ahahaha
but i also get kikay. i wish you guys would stop whipering. just talk. say it to our faces. there is too much whispers. dont be cowards. we're all friends here.

i dont really want to go on. but. what i say is all true. and if you're bothering to read this, then please take this to heart. becuase i hope you're as serious about this as i am. as serious as wanting others to be happy as i am. if not, then you're not worth having as a friend. what kind of friend in this world wouldn't want thier's to be happy? huh. you tell me.

08.15.09

listening to: 愛你愛你 (Love Song), Super Junior-M

well. lost my glasses. word gets around fast, though. maybe you already heard. anyway, im half blind. i can't really see what im typing right now, sorry if there's typos.
band camp is soo fun. well, it's starting to get fun since we're finally starting on our drill. our show is really cool, but super hard. a lot of circles, and curves. oh! guess what maggie? in the part when the rectangle shifts (do you know what im talking about?) our line is the only line dosent move. you and me are in with the low brass, only me and you. the rest of the woodwinds have to move. >:D suckerrrs. ahaha. i hope we actually look good though. ive never been in a circle before. it's hard to guide down. :(

well, im just chillin at home. i have to go to YG soon. i dont know how the heck im gonna survive going there. i can't see anything. and idk if anyone i know goes there anymore. im going to be so lonellyyy.
there's really nothing to say. only that my moods are like a rainbow. up and down. in many different colors and shades.

anyway, i want to sleep. fuzzy eyesight=very tired allyson. :D

08.10.09

watching: teen choice awards


if i'm not apart of you guys, then why do you say i am and then when we all go home and shut the doors, everything becomes distant? there are only two people in the world that i can trust that this will never happen to me. those people are true friends no matter who the person. and i appreciate taht and will treasure them with all my heart forever. i feel like my friends are dwinling one by one. and i admit, im guilty for being just like them. distant over phone, two faced in person. and i hate it. but what can you do when everyone else is like that to you?
do you know who you are? am i REALLY your friend? hmmmm...
i mean. i wonder. where does my trust lie...?

dealarik, you do what you need to do. i want you to be happy and i wish that with all my heart. ill be sad to see you gone. but when you come back, i hope you thought things through and you are clear and happy. you of all people i respect and trust and are one of my closest friends. you, and people like that dont deserve to go through such cruel situations. it's noone fault. it happens. and you do what you need to do to straighten it out and make yourself happy. if you change, at least YOU'RE happy. i dont want to lose this relationship with you though. i hope we'll still be able to still lean on each other as much as we do now in the future.
im going to miss you. miss you so much. but like you said, ill be here like you'll be here, and ill tell you what i think. ill follow through on my word. so dont worry about me. ok? :) let's aim to be happy!

08.02.09

listening to: Heartbeat, Stero Skyline

today i was reading an online asian blog. (dang, i'm turning hella asian) and i came across this bunny thing that this one celebrity made and it's not a craze. it's called tamtam and its soooo cute. i want to make one. i used to make a bunch of pillows and stuffed animals like this. but this is by far the cutest. ill probably start when i get back. x) how cuuuute.

yesterday...or...two days ago was tim's birthday party. that was a lot of fun. no lie. the food was great. and everyone was talking and it was great. italian happy birthday song! that was hilarious. me and jen couldn't shut up. and maggie and me chose a great dessert. it was berries topped with some kind of sorbet.
and then i slept over at maggie's. that was also fun. we slept over in her RV. she got scared (she clames i got scared. yeah right.) ahaha. and she slept in the same bed with me. which was actually the table. :O we stayed up watching kiki's delivery service and anastasia. then the next day was the pool party. that was also a load of fun. geez, i had alot of fun this weekend, huh. fun fun fun.
and i also participated Kohl's Care for Kids. i'm really glad i did that. it made me happy helping a kid. and no. im not a pedo. AXELL. my little boy was Harry. awwww. so cuuute. x) we got him everything he needed for school and some extra shirts he wanted. we had to keep running back for more stuff becuase we had so much extra money. me and axell were trying to avoid this one girl. really funny. x)
at the end of the day though...well, not really, i was so tired. i went home and SLEPT for a long time. axell fricking woke me nup 5:05 in the morning. but i'm glad he did. i would have overslept for sure. ahaha.

well, i'm leaving tomorrow. not really looking forward to it, but what can i say? family vaca. i'm really really going to miss milpitas. i dont like leaving home. :( i almost couldn't stand going camping. ahaha. i was only able to bear with it becuase my best friends were there. x) but yeah, going around cali in a car. a convertable to be exact. all weekend long. .... not taht fun. listening to my brother's R&B and Rap. ewwwww. get my iPod, fosho. ahahha. but at least i have my phonee. i'll be calling everyone up. i'll especially miss Perry like crazy. hopefully i'll come back and my emotions will be so pent up the moment i see him i'll just jump on him! ahahahahahhaa. not likely. ehhh.
ill make sure to say goodbye to you tonight. wait for my call. :D

07.30.09

listening to: Doorway, Io Echo

ok. don't judge me. jennifer. axell. im blogging about Big Bang. SHUT UP. it makes me sad...that they're changing so much. this is how they used to be;

and then this is them now;

they used to be so cute! look;

but now they're freakin japanese. :'( not that i have anything against japanese. (eh) but why not america??? i liked how they were before. now they're all bright colors and BA-VOOM. not used to it. im not one to like change, you know? it depresses the hell out of me. why the hell did he have to grow his hair out?? :O ahahha. i have no right to judge them. oh well. i was itching to say that. and i needed something to blog about.

anyway. there are some mixed feelings im feeling now. if you bother to feel like looking up Doorway and listening to it, then go ahead. its exactly what im feeling. and it's making me so sad. but what can i do? i can't help that. i just really want to let it out in the open. i watched a tv show today, and this girl was having a tough time with this guy, and the situation she was going through..i can totally relate.
i feel though that these feelings are temporary. i pray they'll go away soon. but i can't do this alone. i need the other half to help too. i feel that's the role of a relationship. and i hope that each halves live up to it. im willing to change for you. and if you know what you're doing wrong, then act on it.
its tough. being in a relationship. but im trying my hardest here. my only other experiance was a summer fling and it was both our first. didnt work out. we're just friends now. good friends. but still. we must have done something wrong, and i can't open my eyes and see. you can say, ive never experianced something like this, and its very hard. emotionally. but i'm willing to bear with it.
mixed mummble jummble feelings. its a change. what can i say? i hate it. so much.

07.29.09

listening to: nothing. sadly.

last night i had another dream. except, this one was about me dying. and...that is not a great feeling. being choked to death. it's like, you can literally feel your walls of your throat caving in and sqeezing shut. and there's nothing you can do about it. and when he finally lets go, it feels like your walls will never come back up.
these dreams are scary. ): i wonder why i have them. i wish i have more pleasant dreams. like my friends. :D oh well.

complex day ahead of me. ive gotten in the habit of putting everything off until last minute. it's a miracle that i'm even allowed to go out now. i still havent told my mom i want to go out today with Perry and she totally planned the whole day out with me. x( she wants me to get my hair cut and wants to go out to dinner. i might have to rescedule with Perry. sorry. uhhhhh...oh yeah! MAGICAL MAGGIE is selling me American Apparel (sp?) jackets to me for $25. that's pretty good. if you're reading this blog and want some, then you should get some. the invite's on FB. $25 though...that's a really good deal. thank you magical maggie!

i know i havent blogged about the camping and trip. partly becuase even though it was truly the highlight of my summer...not all of the memories were the best. some im ashamed of, and some im ashamed for others. but most of it was good. im not going to blog about it, because there's waaaay too much to say. that's why i have a journal. ahaha. but one of the best memories i had was rock face painting with two my best friends, Jennifer Ruperto and Jessica Banh. we looked beautiful. at least. i think so.


now im just waiting for summer to be done. things left to do: vaca with family, band camp, AP US :(, and whatever is inbetween.

---

from fmylife.com:
Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me for a good five minutes pretending to eat my hair. FML

how cute is that? :)