I feel like my days are happier now. i feel like i belong to a group now. i say this becuase i feel like, im a loner and im uncomfortable if im not around these people. but i dont want to jinx anything right now so im not getting over my head. haha. :P
i havent written about my day in a loong time huh? ok. well. it's pretty boring but yeah. hmmm...well today was the 4th day of testing thank God. I hate star testing this year. it's so boring but today was ok. i finished quick and afterwards me jen lorraine and maggie all played with our DS's. and tim played a little bit too. we played mario kart and later mario party. i thought mario party was more fun though. ;D i dont understand. jen kept on beating me in EVERYTHING. haha. at least i was winning in the last game but tim beat my by one star. :(
yeah and then after STAR testing we went to brunch. yeah it was ok. me jen maggie denise kirsten and keith went to the lockers to put away jen's book. did we really need that much people to put away a book? haha. and they stayed but i left and took maggie's badminton racket. hehe. no believed taht it was mines though. i dont steal. psh. then...it was third. boring. maccartney, algebra 2. soo boring. i spaced out most of the period. then fourth. ngo, english 2. boring too. it's like my free period she never makes us do anything. then lunch. lunch was fun. we were playing with alex's fancy professional camera. those pictures came out nice. and yeah we were running around and taking a bunch of pictures and eating the whole lunch period. fifth, kaldy, band. that was ok. high school musical senior year isnt all that bad. i kind of like it. and O magnum mysterium isnt that bad either. :) i like our songs. hhaha. then finally sixth, bielski, world history. i love this class. its my second favorite class. even though im only getting like, a B in it. maybe a B. last i checked i had a C. :( mmhm. and lorraine was feeling down. i hope you feel better lorraine. (hug)
yeah and then i went back to the band room after school to check if i had MIP this weekend. nope! yay! no work this weekend. whoopee. haha. but lorraine does. call me up! ill be waiting for your call. haha.
so. daily update about seabiscuit: i saw him today. but when he walked by me and jen he passed me up w/out saying anything and said hi to jen, THEN turned to me and said hi. :( maybe im thinking about this too hard. haha. i still have a feeling he likes someone tho. argh!! :( ok. bye english essay. boo. i hate ms.ngo. why'd she have to get pregnant? :O
april 25
today is my brother's birthday. yeah...and i skipped part of MIP for my brother. but now they've ditched me to go bowling w/out me and now im blogging. hehe. yesterday at castro was fun. :) i appreciated everything that everyone did for me...and thank you jennifer soo much. im so sorry, but i just had to. i love you! i hope ur feeling better, a'ok? :D me and lorraine were really happy u went.
yeah well. castro was fun. we went to italiano. it was ok. the dish i got was ok. i added a bunch of salt but i couldnt taste anything different. :( so yeah. omgod. seabiscuit put a ton of pepper onto his pasta. not lying. not overexagerating. haha.
oh. so i had this dream last night that seabiscuit was going out with kikay! yeah. kikay(sp?). it made me really sad. but he dosent know her in real life so yeah...
i have this nagging feeling that he might like caroline zhang. :( i hope not.
i slept over at lorraine's yesterday. wooow, i cannot believe u actually got my dad to say yes! u have powers lorraine. xD anyway, yeah. sorry i didnt really socialize. i was super tired. and in the morning too. 6 o'clock! and ur guinea pig sounded so scary last night. omgod. haha. is it sick?
and then i had MIP from 8-10:30. i felt bad because right when i was putting my nametag away to go home, albert's all like, 'put it back on, you're hosting again'. i was like, 'now?!! i cant! it's my brother's birthday!' and then he glared at me. :( and i went home. i need to pee bye.
yeah well. castro was fun. we went to italiano. it was ok. the dish i got was ok. i added a bunch of salt but i couldnt taste anything different. :( so yeah. omgod. seabiscuit put a ton of pepper onto his pasta. not lying. not overexagerating. haha.
oh. so i had this dream last night that seabiscuit was going out with kikay! yeah. kikay(sp?). it made me really sad. but he dosent know her in real life so yeah...
i have this nagging feeling that he might like caroline zhang. :( i hope not.
i slept over at lorraine's yesterday. wooow, i cannot believe u actually got my dad to say yes! u have powers lorraine. xD anyway, yeah. sorry i didnt really socialize. i was super tired. and in the morning too. 6 o'clock! and ur guinea pig sounded so scary last night. omgod. haha. is it sick?
and then i had MIP from 8-10:30. i felt bad because right when i was putting my nametag away to go home, albert's all like, 'put it back on, you're hosting again'. i was like, 'now?!! i cant! it's my brother's birthday!' and then he glared at me. :( and i went home. i need to pee bye.
april 24
im not mad. but...im scared. why does this have to happen the day its supposed to be? its like...everything came at me this day. first my dad wanted me to not go out becuase my brother's birthday is comming up. but i got out of that one. then my mom said that i had to visit oakland. i got out of that one. but now...jen's mom and dad & stuff. i dont know if we're going to be able to get out of this one. im not mad. im scared. what if i have to tell him its canceled? what's going to happen then?
april 23
spring break is over half-way done. that makes me really sad...spring break passed really fast this year. i remember last year i couldnt wait for spring break to be over becuase it was boring. haha. i should blog what i did this spring break.
day 1: i went to jessica's cookoff. omgosh the food there looked sooo delicioso. mmmm...im not kidding here. its like those fancy foods you see on french ads. yeah. it was like PROFESSIONAL. haha. that's the word. x) i seriously need to expand my vocabulary. i got to taste her cake, it was good. and everyone got free strawberries! why not me? :( lol, ever since jessica's cookoff ive been craving strawberries. i thought cravings only lasted 15 minutes jen. hehehe. and theeeennn....after the cookoff we got lorraine a new guinea pig! helloooo choco. your a cutie. x) i was sorta worried that snowball would eat choco, but nvm. they're good friend aparently.
day 2-3: i went to santa cruz!!! that was probably the highlight of my break so far. i slept over at santa cruz with lorraine and jen and jen's family. we had a few hours delay tho becuase someone wanted to get bra's? lol. yeah w/e but yeah we finally got on the road. we got there around 8 and went out to dinner at round table..and we went back and went to sleep. i had a sleepless night. i shared a bed with lorraine and we had to sleep on a TWIN sized bed. omgosh. haha. and we slept right infront of a window and there was a well ouside. :(((((( that. scared. me. so. bad. and there's this 'legend' in scottsvale or something. i dont want to say it its scary. yeah. but i was staying in scottsvale. haha. then next day we went to the beach! that was fun. and hot. very not. the sand was like a grill. i felt like my feet were burning off. so yeah we spent the day at the beach...and then we went home. we hanged out at jen's aunt's place for awhile tho. we watched frankenstein. that's actually a good movie. i liked it. i wanted to stay and watch but me and lorraine were tired and we wanted to get home.
day 4: was the only day i got to do nothing. i stayed at home slept. omgosh that felt fantastic. i should have done hwk but i didnt. i forget what i did this day...i seriously think i just stayed home. i love days like that. i miss them. but i would rather hang with friends instead. haha. :D
day 5-6: yesterday and today anna came over for a sleepover. it was a last minute thing but it was aboslutely fun. wheee, i had a good time with her. we went to el camino and ate some really yummy korean food and then we went to this music/dvd/thrift store and they had so much stuff there it was fun. we got some movies from blockbuster and el camino to watch. we watched those all night. we watched big bang in concert, uzumaki, and spirited away. haha. we just noticed that all of those movies were asian. funny. and then we stayed up realllly late. anna went to sleep around 4 AM. i stayed up all night and watched big bang in concert. i went to sleep around 8 AM. D: i got zero sleep im so tired now. every day recently ive been waking up with really bad headaches. i dont know why. it hurts all day. they never go away. arghh...it sucks. maybe its becuase i get really hot at night and i dont cool myself down becuase im too lazy to get up. haha. :P
yeah well. that's all i did so far. it was fun. tomorrow is CASTROOOOOO. haha. i hope it's not awkward or disasterous. i hope really that it's fun. im scared sorta. gosh...urgh. ok. writing this makes me nervous. ok bye. good night. i need to do hwk. haha. bye.
day 1: i went to jessica's cookoff. omgosh the food there looked sooo delicioso. mmmm...im not kidding here. its like those fancy foods you see on french ads. yeah. it was like PROFESSIONAL. haha. that's the word. x) i seriously need to expand my vocabulary. i got to taste her cake, it was good. and everyone got free strawberries! why not me? :( lol, ever since jessica's cookoff ive been craving strawberries. i thought cravings only lasted 15 minutes jen. hehehe. and theeeennn....after the cookoff we got lorraine a new guinea pig! helloooo choco. your a cutie. x) i was sorta worried that snowball would eat choco, but nvm. they're good friend aparently.
day 2-3: i went to santa cruz!!! that was probably the highlight of my break so far. i slept over at santa cruz with lorraine and jen and jen's family. we had a few hours delay tho becuase someone wanted to get bra's? lol. yeah w/e but yeah we finally got on the road. we got there around 8 and went out to dinner at round table..and we went back and went to sleep. i had a sleepless night. i shared a bed with lorraine and we had to sleep on a TWIN sized bed. omgosh. haha. and we slept right infront of a window and there was a well ouside. :(((((( that. scared. me. so. bad. and there's this 'legend' in scottsvale or something. i dont want to say it its scary. yeah. but i was staying in scottsvale. haha. then next day we went to the beach! that was fun. and hot. very not. the sand was like a grill. i felt like my feet were burning off. so yeah we spent the day at the beach...and then we went home. we hanged out at jen's aunt's place for awhile tho. we watched frankenstein. that's actually a good movie. i liked it. i wanted to stay and watch but me and lorraine were tired and we wanted to get home.
day 4: was the only day i got to do nothing. i stayed at home slept. omgosh that felt fantastic. i should have done hwk but i didnt. i forget what i did this day...i seriously think i just stayed home. i love days like that. i miss them. but i would rather hang with friends instead. haha. :D
day 5-6: yesterday and today anna came over for a sleepover. it was a last minute thing but it was aboslutely fun. wheee, i had a good time with her. we went to el camino and ate some really yummy korean food and then we went to this music/dvd/thrift store and they had so much stuff there it was fun. we got some movies from blockbuster and el camino to watch. we watched those all night. we watched big bang in concert, uzumaki, and spirited away. haha. we just noticed that all of those movies were asian. funny. and then we stayed up realllly late. anna went to sleep around 4 AM. i stayed up all night and watched big bang in concert. i went to sleep around 8 AM. D: i got zero sleep im so tired now. every day recently ive been waking up with really bad headaches. i dont know why. it hurts all day. they never go away. arghh...it sucks. maybe its becuase i get really hot at night and i dont cool myself down becuase im too lazy to get up. haha. :P
yeah well. that's all i did so far. it was fun. tomorrow is CASTROOOOOO. haha. i hope it's not awkward or disasterous. i hope really that it's fun. im scared sorta. gosh...urgh. ok. writing this makes me nervous. ok bye. good night. i need to do hwk. haha. bye.
april 18
eghhh....im home alone. :( becuase my mom's being mean. God. & now...im trying to download videos. lol. i want to get colored CD's now. x)
well. i toldy Greeny how i feel about her now. i told her that i needed space and i felt like i was putting too much effort into our friendship and that a real friendship shouldnt be like that, u know?
well. i toldy Greeny how i feel about her now. i told her that i needed space and i felt like i was putting too much effort into our friendship and that a real friendship shouldnt be like that, u know?
april 16
listening to: happiness
i think im going to start every blog with what i'm listening too. this song is so gay. haha. oh well.
mmmurgh....im tired...
yeah. well. lorraine is staying! good news.
and yeah. that's like, the only good news.
i talked to seabiscuit. he thinks i'm in physics now. x) loll. hes like, u skipped chem?
uhhuh. i have no idea what's happening in castro now. is jessica still going?
yeah. & lorraine, PROVE to him ur good for him. that fact he's still with you means he still loves you.
im tired. have hwk. enough said. byee.
i think im going to start every blog with what i'm listening too. this song is so gay. haha. oh well.
mmmurgh....im tired...
yeah. well. lorraine is staying! good news.
and yeah. that's like, the only good news.
i talked to seabiscuit. he thinks i'm in physics now. x) loll. hes like, u skipped chem?
uhhuh. i have no idea what's happening in castro now. is jessica still going?
yeah. & lorraine, PROVE to him ur good for him. that fact he's still with you means he still loves you.
im tired. have hwk. enough said. byee.
april 15
today was not a very good day...alot of bad news. one after another.
i dont really want to talk about it.
y is there so much grief right after easter?
i dont really want to talk about it.
y is there so much grief right after easter?
april 13
im home sick today. im counting this as a lucky break becuase i have soooo much hwk that i have to do and i havent finished. DDDD: help me God. and im like, the hugest procrastinator EVER. so yeah. i doubt ill get it done today too. haha. ok. ill write later too lazy right now. bye.
april 12
happy easter!! not for much tho. i was reeaaalllly sick. sicker than yesterday. i couldnt even stand up today. :( i felt bad. i couldn't go to the easter brunch and i feel like i made my family sad since i couldn't hang out with them today. they made me a sick dinner tho. cold chicken with rice cook vegetables and some kind of meat mixed with a salty vegetable. it was good.
sorry lorraine if ur day wasnt that good yesterday. me and my brother were at each other's throats. i dont get it. he was giving me so much attitude yesterday. it seriously pissed me off. he sort of gets into this 'showoffy' mood when i bring friends over. like showing off his stuff. and he was saying all these snide comments. and here's the thing, once u left, he got all nice again. wooow. what a jerk. and told my mom how i felt and she didnt do anything about it. -___- oh well. if u werent there i would have smacked him..
seabuscuit dosent want to come over anymore cuz my brother's there. last time seabuscuit was over my brother took out his plastic swords and swung it in his face. so yeah, he dosent want to come over anymore. >:(
well, yesterday was a good day. lorraine had a mission. get scrapbook stuff. more expensive than i thought. o.o haha. but it will be worth it with me helping u on it. jkk.. yeahh...and i got easter stuff for my padre. it wasnt all that good of a basket. my mom didnt get anything. :(( i have to get her something next year. i felt bad.
that brings up the subject of today. yeah. i woke up at 10 today becuase i was really sick. and when i managed to fall out of bed (i actually rolled out of bed. my floor was covered w/clothes so it was soft.) i came out to find easter breakfast on the table which i found out was cooked an hour ago but no one was up. :( sorry. hey. my brother wasnt sick but he got up later than me! and i spent most of the day alone becuase i stayed home and slept while the rest of my family went to easter brunch with a family friend. boring day...i almost finished the book memoires of a geisha. good book. so graphic tho. it gives me chills. i still havent dont world history!!!!!! or math!!
gotta start noww...i hope i can stay home tomorrow. i feel like crap.
byebye.
sorry lorraine if ur day wasnt that good yesterday. me and my brother were at each other's throats. i dont get it. he was giving me so much attitude yesterday. it seriously pissed me off. he sort of gets into this 'showoffy' mood when i bring friends over. like showing off his stuff. and he was saying all these snide comments. and here's the thing, once u left, he got all nice again. wooow. what a jerk. and told my mom how i felt and she didnt do anything about it. -___- oh well. if u werent there i would have smacked him..
seabuscuit dosent want to come over anymore cuz my brother's there. last time seabuscuit was over my brother took out his plastic swords and swung it in his face. so yeah, he dosent want to come over anymore. >:(
well, yesterday was a good day. lorraine had a mission. get scrapbook stuff. more expensive than i thought. o.o haha. but it will be worth it with me helping u on it. jkk.. yeahh...and i got easter stuff for my padre. it wasnt all that good of a basket. my mom didnt get anything. :(( i have to get her something next year. i felt bad.
that brings up the subject of today. yeah. i woke up at 10 today becuase i was really sick. and when i managed to fall out of bed (i actually rolled out of bed. my floor was covered w/clothes so it was soft.) i came out to find easter breakfast on the table which i found out was cooked an hour ago but no one was up. :( sorry. hey. my brother wasnt sick but he got up later than me! and i spent most of the day alone becuase i stayed home and slept while the rest of my family went to easter brunch with a family friend. boring day...i almost finished the book memoires of a geisha. good book. so graphic tho. it gives me chills. i still havent dont world history!!!!!! or math!!
gotta start noww...i hope i can stay home tomorrow. i feel like crap.
byebye.
april 10
today was ok...better than yesterday that's for sure. my cold got worse. arrgh. i totally jinxed myself. i said to maggie, 'i want to get sick so i can stay home' and guess what? i did. and then so i went up to mom and was like, 'can i stay home?' and she said, 'its friday, just bear it and go to school.' -___-. dammit. needless to say my day was like a throbbing stero never turning off the whole day. my head throbbed...
well. enough of that. my day was the same. really cold. i got APUSH signed and im all signed up for doing it next year. whoopee. im probably gonna die. but i want to push myself. i have friends signed up for that class that can help me. :) yeah...and the day just flew by like nothing.
im in my comfy bed now. finally...i feel so relaxed. i cant wait for spring break!! we have santa cruz, frisco, pier39, sleepover, and jessie's cookoff and her sleepover, and the castro date!! yay. so exciting. but...idk about my baba. he took away social events from me. but i think i can go out during spring and the weekend before...hopefully.
gosh, im so warm right now. the sun's going right through my window. i love it. im like a cat. x)
im going to sleep now. im totally sick. haha. ill call u up later about tomorrow, kk lorraine?
later. :D
well. enough of that. my day was the same. really cold. i got APUSH signed and im all signed up for doing it next year. whoopee. im probably gonna die. but i want to push myself. i have friends signed up for that class that can help me. :) yeah...and the day just flew by like nothing.
im in my comfy bed now. finally...i feel so relaxed. i cant wait for spring break!! we have santa cruz, frisco, pier39, sleepover, and jessie's cookoff and her sleepover, and the castro date!! yay. so exciting. but...idk about my baba. he took away social events from me. but i think i can go out during spring and the weekend before...hopefully.
gosh, im so warm right now. the sun's going right through my window. i love it. im like a cat. x)
im going to sleep now. im totally sick. haha. ill call u up later about tomorrow, kk lorraine?
later. :D
april 9
today was a bad day. everything was wet and cold and i wore flipflops and i was sick so i had a stomach ache and a headache and my throat hurt everytime i coughed, which was alot. and i feel like i pissed everyone off becuase of my crappy attitude today. im really sorry for it and i want to apologize. so sorry..
jennifer, u probably thought i was mad or something but im not. im just tired and in a bad mood and sick. new scheduales for next year are due tomorrow and i dont even have anything signed. and im stressing so much on what i want to be in the future. my report card came in and the grades were horrible. that makes me so anxious becuase what going to happen to me when i grow up? with the way things are going im going to end up cleaning the school, not teaching in it.
im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry...
i feel like im sorry for so many things these days. and i feel like im just digging myself into a hole deeper and deeper every day. every day im losing friends. every day my grades get worse. every day my relationship with my family gets more distant. ive tried everything. ive tried being energetic, ive tried to be overly nice, ive tried to be unusually quiet and get ppl's attention. but nothing ever works. i feel like if i die, then no one would really care. i have nothing going for me right now. i have horrible grades, i dont have many friends, and im getting into fights with my family on a daily basis. i cry for no reason almost every single day. its horrible and it sucks. im tired of laughing after my sentences so everyone will think im a fun loving laughable person. bucuase that's not who i am. i dont know for sure if im putting too much effort into this. i get exhasted every day trying to talk to people.
everyone frustrates me now. i get so pissed so easily. i never show it. its part of my front. even the littlest things piss me off. everything's making me mad. im dropping so much friendships becuase everyone's annoying me. even i annoy me. im so dissppointed in myself i hate myself. and i feel like noone really understands my situation. and the reason why i dont tell anyone is becuase i dont want to sound like a whining bitch that want's attention. and i dont blame you if u think that now.
my spiritual life is gone. ill admit that now. i hate church. i hate going there. im forced to go there now. i resent it. i fear going there. i hate sitting there when all the 'christian leaders' sit there so happy and full of fire for God. i have to make deals with my dad if i go to church.
there is so much more. but
i feel like im rolling around on the floor bawling my eyes out for nothing. who's going to do anything? its the same old story everytime. and i dont expect help anymore. everytime i tell someone this, it never helps. i never feel better. why is life so hard? its so difficult. it's like im tring to pull myself out of the ocean when its pulling me in. its me against the ocean.
jennifer, u probably thought i was mad or something but im not. im just tired and in a bad mood and sick. new scheduales for next year are due tomorrow and i dont even have anything signed. and im stressing so much on what i want to be in the future. my report card came in and the grades were horrible. that makes me so anxious becuase what going to happen to me when i grow up? with the way things are going im going to end up cleaning the school, not teaching in it.
im sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry...
i feel like im sorry for so many things these days. and i feel like im just digging myself into a hole deeper and deeper every day. every day im losing friends. every day my grades get worse. every day my relationship with my family gets more distant. ive tried everything. ive tried being energetic, ive tried to be overly nice, ive tried to be unusually quiet and get ppl's attention. but nothing ever works. i feel like if i die, then no one would really care. i have nothing going for me right now. i have horrible grades, i dont have many friends, and im getting into fights with my family on a daily basis. i cry for no reason almost every single day. its horrible and it sucks. im tired of laughing after my sentences so everyone will think im a fun loving laughable person. bucuase that's not who i am. i dont know for sure if im putting too much effort into this. i get exhasted every day trying to talk to people.
everyone frustrates me now. i get so pissed so easily. i never show it. its part of my front. even the littlest things piss me off. everything's making me mad. im dropping so much friendships becuase everyone's annoying me. even i annoy me. im so dissppointed in myself i hate myself. and i feel like noone really understands my situation. and the reason why i dont tell anyone is becuase i dont want to sound like a whining bitch that want's attention. and i dont blame you if u think that now.
my spiritual life is gone. ill admit that now. i hate church. i hate going there. im forced to go there now. i resent it. i fear going there. i hate sitting there when all the 'christian leaders' sit there so happy and full of fire for God. i have to make deals with my dad if i go to church.
there is so much more. but
i feel like im rolling around on the floor bawling my eyes out for nothing. who's going to do anything? its the same old story everytime. and i dont expect help anymore. everytime i tell someone this, it never helps. i never feel better. why is life so hard? its so difficult. it's like im tring to pull myself out of the ocean when its pulling me in. its me against the ocean.
april 7
im going to try to make this short and sweet becuase i have about 15 minutes left on the internet.
today was an ehhh day. i thought it would be sunny today. it wasnt. i chose a bad day to wear a thin white t-shirt. it rained today. now it's sunny. but it's like, 5:41 and school's been over for almost 2 hours now. hmm...i did have a jacket but it wasnt mines. i stole it from anna. x) she got annoyed with me. oh well. yeah...i dont get it. everyone has gotten thier class schedules for next year but i havent. :( i want to pick my coures now. so far i have all the primary courses picked out except for AP US history (me & lorraine!) and band...and im thinking about doing 0 period P.E. next year. and i might do a summer course on some type of science course so i can skip it during the school year. i want to do physics. hm...i guess that might leave an opening for me next year. i might fill it up with P.E.
and yeah. my day was wet and cold. i used to love rainy days when i was little. but now i hate it. it makes me feel clammy and sticky all day. ew...hm..yeah.
recently i feel like im losing alot of friends. like, the woman, and his friends all seem to be giving me the cold shoulder recently. i dont know why. i just try to talk to them like normal, but it's kinda hard now. right now i feel like my friendship is lying with the sax's and lorraine and jen and kirsten and them. but i feel like thatt friendship could break anytime if i dont keep putting an extreme effort to fit in with them. like im on the outskirts of the circle. frankly, i dont really know where i belong right now. but i still have a few really good friends and a bestfriend so its ok right now. :)
seabiscut. (sp?) i changed his name from Pook to seabiscut, ok? well. i didnt. kenny did. i think it's the perfect codename. lol. hm...well. today he wore yellow. it looks good on him. haha. yeah...i saw him walking around with another girl. ill tell u who it is in person lorraine. but yeah. i dont think he likes her. she's on the same swim team with him and the swim team is realllly close. like, even after the swim season they still go out and do stuff together like go to the movies. mmhmm. so yeah. they could just be friends. i dont know. im still crazy for him...but not as much as you could say. yeah.
jen was sad today and i dont know why. :( i hope she feels better! and i wish she would get her internet back soon. lol.
tomorrow im going with lorraine to get her hair cut and eat tung kee noodle. yummm that place is the bombbb. its like, so cheap but its sooo good. and warm. and tasty. i feel like animal muscle stew.. :P everyone think's it sounds gross but its not. its yummy. and nao num? noone's heard of it? hm...
yeah, my day was boring. its going to get more boring. i have alot of homework. bye, gotta work.
today was an ehhh day. i thought it would be sunny today. it wasnt. i chose a bad day to wear a thin white t-shirt. it rained today. now it's sunny. but it's like, 5:41 and school's been over for almost 2 hours now. hmm...i did have a jacket but it wasnt mines. i stole it from anna. x) she got annoyed with me. oh well. yeah...i dont get it. everyone has gotten thier class schedules for next year but i havent. :( i want to pick my coures now. so far i have all the primary courses picked out except for AP US history (me & lorraine!) and band...and im thinking about doing 0 period P.E. next year. and i might do a summer course on some type of science course so i can skip it during the school year. i want to do physics. hm...i guess that might leave an opening for me next year. i might fill it up with P.E.
and yeah. my day was wet and cold. i used to love rainy days when i was little. but now i hate it. it makes me feel clammy and sticky all day. ew...hm..yeah.
recently i feel like im losing alot of friends. like, the woman, and his friends all seem to be giving me the cold shoulder recently. i dont know why. i just try to talk to them like normal, but it's kinda hard now. right now i feel like my friendship is lying with the sax's and lorraine and jen and kirsten and them. but i feel like thatt friendship could break anytime if i dont keep putting an extreme effort to fit in with them. like im on the outskirts of the circle. frankly, i dont really know where i belong right now. but i still have a few really good friends and a bestfriend so its ok right now. :)
seabiscut. (sp?) i changed his name from Pook to seabiscut, ok? well. i didnt. kenny did. i think it's the perfect codename. lol. hm...well. today he wore yellow. it looks good on him. haha. yeah...i saw him walking around with another girl. ill tell u who it is in person lorraine. but yeah. i dont think he likes her. she's on the same swim team with him and the swim team is realllly close. like, even after the swim season they still go out and do stuff together like go to the movies. mmhmm. so yeah. they could just be friends. i dont know. im still crazy for him...but not as much as you could say. yeah.
jen was sad today and i dont know why. :( i hope she feels better! and i wish she would get her internet back soon. lol.
tomorrow im going with lorraine to get her hair cut and eat tung kee noodle. yummm that place is the bombbb. its like, so cheap but its sooo good. and warm. and tasty. i feel like animal muscle stew.. :P everyone think's it sounds gross but its not. its yummy. and nao num? noone's heard of it? hm...
yeah, my day was boring. its going to get more boring. i have alot of homework. bye, gotta work.
songs that have meaning.
this song truley bring out my feelings and emotions when im feeling down. its like, its exactly what im thinking.
LoveLoveLove epik high:
it's midnight, your tired drunk voice
2:00 am, the abruptly ended phone call
nobody knows how i feel
i can't stop
love love love
though it hurts, i keep on repeating
i can't stop
love love love
have you ever been in love before?
falling at first sight, like in the movies?
spent the entire night talking on the phone?
bragged to the entire world?
waited in the pouring rain?
run like crazy to the one you love?
secreatly guarded?
gone crazy?
pretended not see when you did?
i'm sure you've been in love
spent all your money on your anniversary
apologized even when you didnt do anything wrong
spent entire days writing love letters
pushed back promises with your family
prayed to God for that persons health
ignored your friends
missed them
guarded thier leaving figure
can't stop love
why? i loved you like crazy
why? i treated you so well
i gave you everything
you got me going crazy
why? i loved you with all my life
i gave you my body and soul
i lost everything for you
how could you?
nobody knows how i feel
i can't stop
love love love
though it hurts, i keep on repeating
i can't stop
love love love
have you ever had your heart broken?
had your makeup wash off in the pouring rain?
cut your long hair?
started smoking again?
avoided areas where they might be?
wrote letter you know you'd never send?
called them while you were drunk?
(hello)
had your lips freeze up
i'm sure you've had a broken heart
hated them as much as you loved them
ripped up letters you didn't read
deleted phone numbers you will never forget
celebrated anniversaries by yourself
burned all the photographs
thought every song about heartbreak in the world was about you
can't stop love
why? i loved you like crazy
why? i treated you so well
i gave you everything
you got me going crazy
why? i loved you with all my life
i gave you my body and soul
i lost everything for you
how could you?
nobody knows my heart
i can't stop love
love love love
though it hurts, i keep on repeating
i can't stop love
love love love
cry like an idiot
get drunk again
hold on to your friend
and curse that person
time passes
get drunk again
grab the phone
say love!
nobody knows my heart
i can't stop
love love love
though it hurts, i keep on repeating
i can't stop
love love love
nobody knows my heart
in reality, only you dont know
though it hurts, i keep on repeating
as i live my life, i'm sure i'll see you again.
if im feeling down, i listen to this. by the end of the song im all better. :)
favorite line: thought every song about heartbreak in the world was about you
is my favorite becuase its true. it was at one point. not now.
LoveLoveLove epik high:
it's midnight, your tired drunk voice
2:00 am, the abruptly ended phone call
nobody knows how i feel
i can't stop
love love love
though it hurts, i keep on repeating
i can't stop
love love love
have you ever been in love before?
falling at first sight, like in the movies?
spent the entire night talking on the phone?
bragged to the entire world?
waited in the pouring rain?
run like crazy to the one you love?
secreatly guarded?
gone crazy?
pretended not see when you did?
i'm sure you've been in love
spent all your money on your anniversary
apologized even when you didnt do anything wrong
spent entire days writing love letters
pushed back promises with your family
prayed to God for that persons health
ignored your friends
missed them
guarded thier leaving figure
can't stop love
why? i loved you like crazy
why? i treated you so well
i gave you everything
you got me going crazy
why? i loved you with all my life
i gave you my body and soul
i lost everything for you
how could you?
nobody knows how i feel
i can't stop
love love love
though it hurts, i keep on repeating
i can't stop
love love love
have you ever had your heart broken?
had your makeup wash off in the pouring rain?
cut your long hair?
started smoking again?
avoided areas where they might be?
wrote letter you know you'd never send?
called them while you were drunk?
(hello)
had your lips freeze up
i'm sure you've had a broken heart
hated them as much as you loved them
ripped up letters you didn't read
deleted phone numbers you will never forget
celebrated anniversaries by yourself
burned all the photographs
thought every song about heartbreak in the world was about you
can't stop love
why? i loved you like crazy
why? i treated you so well
i gave you everything
you got me going crazy
why? i loved you with all my life
i gave you my body and soul
i lost everything for you
how could you?
nobody knows my heart
i can't stop love
love love love
though it hurts, i keep on repeating
i can't stop love
love love love
cry like an idiot
get drunk again
hold on to your friend
and curse that person
time passes
get drunk again
grab the phone
say love!
nobody knows my heart
i can't stop
love love love
though it hurts, i keep on repeating
i can't stop
love love love
nobody knows my heart
in reality, only you dont know
though it hurts, i keep on repeating
as i live my life, i'm sure i'll see you again.
if im feeling down, i listen to this. by the end of the song im all better. :)
favorite line: thought every song about heartbreak in the world was about you
is my favorite becuase its true. it was at one point. not now.
april 3
well, its finally april. oh yeah, im sneaking on so its fast. well. today was totally boring. sorry to say...it was like. blehhh. nothing to do. walking around in circles boring. it starts out regular. 1st, 2nd 3rd...and 4th period, ms. ngo finally announced she was pregnant. everyone knew already so it didnt matter. lol. 5th was so boring. i just sat there with some friends and played cards. yeah. for like, and hour and a half. that sucked and then 6th and went home. i went out to borders today. and then wal-mart. i got memoirs of a geisha. i love that movie. and im like, 14 pgs into the book and i love it already. ok, dad's home, got to go. bye!
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