June 18

listening to: Mad, Ne-Yo

you know, im very upset with you. you ask me to tell you straight out. if you know who you are. good. im more than upset. im mad. plain mad. mad like the song im listening to. except i dont care if you go to bed mad at me. you say that your hurt that im keeping it from you. well, here it is. do you realize who you really are? its upsetting everyone. its PISSING everyone off. i hope you dont read this. yeah, im a chicken. but still. i need to say this to someone. or something. your immature. your selfish. you dont give a shit about how other's feel. dont you? you think you do, but YOUR ACTIONS DON'T LIVE UP TO YOUR WORDS. you got to think of others sometimes. you say you try to change. you do. i admit. you do. but every. single. time. you ALWAYS go back. always always. its what Jennifer said. you are a brat. and i agree. your a flirt. the things you do around your friends. us. your friends. the ones who care for you and love you. you hurt us. i dont understand. are you doing this purposly? you hurt her. im not naming who. but you hurt her. you hurt me. you hurt so many of us. we love you and we care for you and we do so much for you. we try to help you. but what do you do for us in return? can't you try to grow up? is that too much to ask? i mean. look at how much we change. we change for everyone. for the better. we change FOR our friends. can't you try, i mean, just TRY. im saying you will, but will you TRY to change? its tiring. and i hate writing this. i say things are ok with us. but at the moment, im really close to my limit.
and you're nosy. whats the big deal, looking through everyone's text when IT'S NOT YOUR PHONE. its other people's property. you ask permission before using. i know what you've done. dont pretend you havent done anything wrong. i know you have. we all do. and i think that just leads up to what bothers me most about you. your lack of RESPECT towards all of us. we deserve more. alot more. maybe you dont know how to give it yet, but we give a bunch for you. and we expect equal amounts of respect in RETURN. this is what i mean to grow up. part of being mature is being respectful. and right now. im not seeing it. we're not your slaves. dont order us around. you may think you dont order us around, or critisize, but you do. try going one day without doing either! just try.


i can't be nice all the time. dont think that jsut because my facade is happy, i am. you have to care for me. and us. you dont throw people aside, or use them. that's exactly how i feel right now. you USED me. how could you? i was there when no one else was. are you pitying me? how dare you. you have NO right to pity me. im good now. i have the best friends ever. why are you going behind my back and inviting all the girls over to your place but not me? and talking about it in front of my face? how. dare. you. im not lying. that pissed me off. im not stupid. im not dumb. i know what your talking about. this is what i mean about equality. i invite you to so many other events and get togethers that you would have never have heard about or been wanted to, but i still invite you. becuase i didnt want you to be left out. i cared for you. i wanted you to have fun. i wanted you to get better. but what do you do in return? you go behind my back. you leave me out. and you smile and have fun about it. no real friend would do that. no 'best friend' would do that to thier 'best friend'. and even if you did invite me, i wouldnt want to go. becuase its really not worth it. im not crying and whining about this, im using this as an EXAMPLE of how you treat me. there are so much more i can say about how YOU PISS ME OFF. you pissed me off when you did that. you threw me aside. you threw me in the dirt. you used me. and yeah. im making this very personal. sorry. but it's what i feel. i have feelings too. why would you do that to me? that hurt me.

there is so much i can list about you. so so much. but im not going to list. if you read this. sorry. but im not going to stand here and say nothing as you hurt me and my friends. are you my friend anymore? that im thinking about.

and i want my stuff back. they cost alot. they're important to me.

i really hope you didnt read this. but what can i say? its how i feel. im a nice person. dont doubt it. ive shown you who i am. and this is my mad side. anger isnt permanent. this isnt how ill feel about you forever. and the fact i just wrote shows that i wont be mad at you forever.